The Long Day

Well, there was nothing way out of the ordinary today, and, like always, going back to the "normal" routine was great. I've only been at St. Mark for 14 weeks now, but there's definitely a feeling of normality when I'm there. I know what I'm doing, I know how the service works, I know most of the people, and everything just seems comfortable...Just in time for me to take two weeks off for Christmas. The field education is set up so that we don't work over Christmas break, and we don't have to work during our J-term. When you start back up determines when you finish in April/May.

So all of the worship stuff and class was business as usual. The kids in Sunday School were actually pretty excited yesterday about playing their game. We read the stories for the day, and then played "Password" based on those stories. It went well, and it meant they read over the stories a few times, rather than just the one. Hopefully they'll remember them a little bit better. I'm going to be teaching at least once in the spring semester, so I'm trying to pay really close attention to what the students seem to enjoy.

After all the normal stuff, we had the budget meeting. Easily one of the most interesting and most boring parts of the church life all rolled into one. I enjoyed learning about the money flow in and out of the church, the pastor's salary and benefits, the challenges of how to balance the budget, especially when there's a big change, and the general finances of the church. On the other hand, if I never had to talk about/worry about money for the rest of my life, it would be too soon. Not that I feel the need to be a millionaire or anything. I just don't like discussing money. It's just no fun.

Then I went home. On days like yesterday, Linda just hangs out at the church for the next event. She gets some work done and spends some time alone (which I'm sure she enjoys wholeheartedly). I, on the other hand, had work to do at home. Wes' parishoners were coming over for a Christmas cookie party. So Wes, Josiah and I headed to the store to get some things we needed, came home and cleaned up, made peppermint bark, and got everything ready. By the time we got everything together, it was time for me to go back to the church for Confirmation, where I was glad to sit down.

I'm really starting to enjoy my time at Confirmation. I was really worried about working with the youth, because I don't particularly like groups of middle and high school students. But I think the groups are small enough that they don't get hive mind as much. Plus, the girls in the Confirmation class are absolutely hilarious. I love listening to their conversations with one another. I hope that I can continue to develop my relationships with them, and get more comfortable with the youth. Or I can just let Wes teach my Confirmation classes...

On Preaching

I love writing sermons. I'm not going to lie. I'm sort of a geek (haha...that's an understatement). I love reading the texts, talking about them, really internalizing their meaning, reading commentaries, etc. I'm extremely excited about the opportunity to spend so much time in the text each week when I'm a pastor. I really hope that I can also continue to incorporate storytelling in my sermons.

So I spent about two weeks working on my sermon prior to this Sunday--a luxury I hope to have as a pastor with proper planning. The time spent really living in the text is extremely important to me, and I do not want to lose that just because I have to write a sermon every week. At first, I just read the texts once or twice a day, writing some notes on my thoughts, feelings, etc. There was no attempt to find a theme or even pick a text. I just wanted to read the texts and let them speak to me. I loved this. It's amazing where I see these texts play out because I spent so much time reading and thinking on them.

Then I spent some time planning out the focus of my sermon. I chose my main text, thought about the point I wanted to get across, considered possible stories to help connect the biblical passage to the parishoner's lives, and God's grace in the text. I honestly found this to be the hardest part. How do you choose a text? They're all wonderful. They're all important. They're all God's Word! How do I pick just one of four texts? What does that mean for the rest of them? I suppose this will get easier with time, as I can better gauge what my congregation feels and needs, and I have the opportunity to preach most weeks. So I choose the easy route--using the Gospel text and trying to incorporate pieces of the others without being ridiculous.

So when I finally got done with the planning, the sermon literally just flowed out of me in about 30 minutes. Beautiful. This is how I know that the Spirit is flowing. Over the next week, I had Wes and Linda read the sermon, practiced it, tweaked it, and generally listened to the words God was speaking into my life. And on Sunday, I finally got up and delivered it. Wow, that was an interesting experience. I was amazed at the people who were engaged, the people who were not, the people who looked asleep and the ones who were glued to my words. What a terrifying place to be! When Linda asked me how I was feeling about it earlier in the week, I said "Really nervous." My job is to speak God's Words. First I have to listen to God speaking into my life, and then I have to share that. What if God tells me something scary? Controversial? New? Weird?

Yes, I'm nervous, but I'm also so excited. I'm honored that God has placed this call on my life, and I hope I can live up to it. What a powerful position...and what a scary one.

Sermon from Sunday

Here's my sermon from Sunday. I'll do some reflecting on it later today.

Mark 1:1-8

            Preparing for Christmas when I was a child involved a lot of work. There was the tree to put up, the cookies to make, the house to decorate, and, of course, the presents to buy. And since Grandma came to visit every year at Christmastime, we had to wait to start most of these preparations until she came to our house. Sometimes, this was early in the month of December, but sometimes it seemed we had to wait until Christmas was almost past to get ready. Then came all the work, and with it, all the arguments. “Don’t put the same kind of ornament so close together!” “Mom, Jessica got to decorate more cookies than me!” “Mom, Josiah is trying to hang up my ornaments!” Without fail, something would go wrong: the string of lights would be a ball of knots, the cookies would burn or not cook all the way, or we would be missing a whole box of decorations. But somehow, it always got done, and Christmas visited the Matlack house for another year.

            In the Gospel lesson today, we hear about a very different way to prepare for Christ’s coming. John the Baptist was a weird guy. In a time when poverty was rampant, he chose to live outside of society, where at least the poor could beg for alms. He went out to the wilderness, to sleep on the ground, eat bugs and honey when he could find them, and wear strange clothes.

            The Christian band, DC Talk, has a song called “Jesus Freak,” that talks about John:

There was a man from the desert with naps in his head

The sand that he walked was also his bed.

The words that he spoke made the people assume

There wasn’t too much left in the upper room.

With skins on his back and hair on his face,

They thought he was strange by the locusts he ate.

This song talks about the original “Jesus freak,” a man who went out and did some very strange things just to prepare the way of the Lord. He didn’t care what people thought of him, and he didn’t give up his faith even in the face of death. Supposedly, John was following the command from Isaiah as a messenger of God: he was living out in the wilderness, preparing the way of the Lord. But what good did this do? Who knew that Jesus was the one John talked about? Who helped John to “make his paths straight?” Was anyone truly prepared for the coming of the Lord?           

            Did John’s disciples go home and put up a tree, nativity scenes, and tinsel? Did they cook a huge meal and give each other presents? How could they possibly prepare for the Lord’s coming?

            The Messiah was supposed to be a king, someone who would save the people of Israel, the Jews. They expected him to come riding in on a warhorse, ready to rescue them from their oppressors, the Romans. A king would have been preceded by a royal messenger, someone wearing nice robes, eating rich foods, and making room for the king. They expected a celebration, a clear indication that the Messiah had come and was going to rescue them. The only preparations necessary would have been done with excitement, and the anticipation of a new way of life.

            Yet this isn’t what the Israelites get. Starting with John’s pronouncement, something seems to be off. John is in the wilderness, not running or riding through the streets, proclaiming the coming of the Messiah. John is baptizing people as they repent of their sins, not helping them get ready for the inevitable victory over the Romans. John is wearing camel’s hair and a leather belt, not majestic clothing. And he eats locusts and wild honey, not the rich food of kings.

            Good, studious Jews should have known that this was what they were to expect. God announced in Isaiah that this is exactly what God’s messenger would be like. But we very rarely want to recognize that what we’ve been told is how it will be. We like to think about the perfect, clean, holy nativity scene. We like to prepare for that Jesus—the one that makes sense to us, the one that’s easy to take. Preparing for the perfect nativity, complete with the silent, beautiful baby Jesus means putting up our Christmas trees, decorating the house inside and out, buying presents for our friends and family, cooking a big meal and spending Christmas Day hanging out watching football.

            But is this really how we prepare for Jesus’ coming? Because Christmas isn’t just about some distant time when Jesus was born as a baby. Christmas is also the time for us to anticipate Jesus’ return. Jesus has promised that he will return again, and that his coming will be, well…interesting. Peter says, “[T]he day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a loud noise, and the elements will be dissolved with fire, and the earth and everything that is done on it will be disclosed.” I’m not sure my Christmas tree is going to survive that!

            So if all of our preparations for Jesus coming revolve around the one day—and maybe a few after—when we celebrate his birth, how will we possibly be ready for the day of the Lord? Jesus doesn’t want our presents, and I really doubt he cares if the lights on our house are symmetrical, burnt out, or timed to music. Jesus cares about what we are doing now to bring the Kingdom of God ever closer. Peter tells us that we should “strive to be found by him at peace, without spot or blemish; and regard the patience of our Lord as salvation.” I don’t know about you, but I haven’t seen a lot of peace or contentment with God in this Christmas season.

            Yet God constantly and consistently empowers us to prepare the way for Christ’s coming, not just during the Christmas season but all year, every year. We can see this in the power of John the Baptist’s message to his people. Even though he was different, even though he lived in the wilderness and acted in strange ways, God gave him the authority to prepare the way for Christ’s coming. And people did know when Jesus came that he was the one about whom John had spoken. They were prepared in a different way than we might expect: they had repented of their sins and were baptized by John in the Jordan River. There was no great ceremony about it, and John constantly reminded them that he was not the one for whom they were waiting. He was just the path-maker. Through John’s faith, God was able to create a way for Jesus to break into the world. And people knew when it happened.

            Just like God sent John to prepare his community for Christ’s coming, God sends us and gives us Scripture to prepare for Christ as well. In the Psalm today, we see a beautiful description of what will happen on the day of the Lord:

Surely his salvation is at hand for those who fear him,

            that his glory may dwell in our land.

Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet;

            righteousness and peace will kiss each other.

Faithfulness will spring up from the ground,

            and righteousness will look down from the sky.

Christ’s return will be wonderful. Everything will be restored to the way it should be, the way God intended. War and famine, pain and grief, racism and sexism, abuse and neglect, all of this will be wiped away. What a wonderful future we have with Christ.

            Yet preparing the way means more than waiting around expectantly for Christ to come and fix everything. We learn from Jesus’ life that simply talking about how things will be one day is not the solution. Jesus actively sought out the poor, lonely, hurt, and sick to help them. Every step of his journey meant changing someone’s life for the better. No, he didn’t single handedly fly in like some superhero and defeat the Romans. That was not the point of Jesus coming into the world like us. We can’t change everything by snapping our fingers. But we can help our neighbor who doesn’t have enough money to eat three meals a day. We can sit down and listen to our coworker whose life isn’t going the way she planned. We can love our families, forgive those who trespass against us, and do our best to spread Christ’s love throughout the world.

            Perhaps this is what Isaiah is saying when he talks about leveling mountains, bringing up valleys, and straightening crooked paths. It’s not about changing the natural landscape around us. It’s about bringing justice to the world, bringing up those who are low, sharing ourselves so that we are not “better” than someone else, and making the path a little bit easier for our neighbor. God empowers us to do this through the many gifts with which God blesses each of us. We are called to prepare the way of the Lord in this messy, restless, and sometimes scary world. If this means being weird, so be it. If this means acting against the status quo, that’s just where we need to be. The good news is that, even in these frightening situations, God will walk alongside us and give us the strength to make his paths straight.

            In just a few minutes, we’re going to say the Lord’s Prayer as we prepare for Communion. In the prayer, we say, “thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” This is what it means to prepare the way of the Lord. When we pray this, we are saying that we will abandon our own wills, our own desires, and give them over to God’s purposes. God’s will is already done in heaven. It is up to us to start doing God’s will on earth; we are asking God to continue to empower us to do this work. That’s part of the preparation we do for Christ’s coming—changing the world for the better.

            Preparing for Jesus isn’t a one-time thing. We can’t just set up the tree, hang the decorations, and wait. Jesus didn’t come into the world as a helpless tiny baby in order to stay that way forever. He came to grow, to teach, and to lead. He didn’t die so that we could be content in our own salvation and supposedly ready for his return. He came so that all might know the amazing love of God through Jesus Christ. He didn’t come so we could sit back complacently, but to empower us to share the Gospel news with all people: Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again. Amen.

The Coming

This week everything was back to normal at the church. Linda and I had a great meeting last week about the next few weeks--the last few of this semester! Already! I can't believe that this semester is wrapping up.

My mom and Chris were here this week, and it was interesting to notice how different things are for me when someone I know is watching. Of course, I know most of the people every Sunday when I get up there and lead the prayers, read the readings, or sing the Psalm, etc. Yet knowing Mom and Chris were there changed things ever so slightly. As much as I want Mom to be able to see me storytell and preach next week, I am also kind of glad that there is not that added pressure. I also managed to pick a Sunday to preach when Josiah won't be here yet, so hopefully that will lessen my fears as I go up to preach next Sunday.

We also had three baptisms this morning at the early service. There was a baby, and then a 5 and 7 year old set of siblings. I haven't seen many multiple-baptism services before, so this was especially powerful. Although the baby cried a little (most do, unless they're asleep), the two older kids were absolutely wonderful to watch. Linda didn't hold back on the water, and they were both dripping by the time they were done. It was a really moving experience to see how older children react to the beautiful miracle that is baptism, and I hope I get to see more of these.

I really enjoyed Linda's sermon this week, as well. She spoke about what Advent is, rather than what it is not (i.e. Christmas). She did a good job of explaining the church year, what the purpose of Advent is, and how we can truly celebrate Advent. I'm excited, because I'm preaching next week and I think our sermons mesh pretty well. I think we're trying to get a pretty similar message across, but in a very different way and extremely different texts. I spent a lot of this week enjoying the beginning of Advent, but also thinking about what next week is going to hold. I'm pretty nervous, but we'll see!

All by Myself...Sort of

This past Sunday was Linda's first day off since I started working at the churches. We had a Princeton doctoral student come preach and do Communion. Linda put me in charge of making sure everything ran smoothly, and some of her normal tasks, like doing the announcements at the beginning of the service.

I did a pretty good job of letting Anthony where to go and when. I gave him a bulletin with all of his parts highlighted and directions about where he should be at each point during the service. I completely forgot, however, to tell him how we do Communion at St. Mark, and had to explain it to him as we were supposed to be having Communion. Fortunately, it all worked out, and the second service ran a lot smoother.

Being there "alone" definitely gave me a whole different perspective on things. Sure, I pay attention through both services each week, but that doesn't mean that I still don't miss some of the "details." For example, I knew that Linda always goes to set up Communion at some point before that portion of the liturgy actually starts. But I forgot where it was, and the Communion assistant didn't cue us, either. Now I know, and I'll never forget, that she sets it up during offering. I also had to ask a lot of questions of people: how to adjust the temperature so we weren't melting, how/when to serve Communion to the choir, and probably a lot more I can't think of right now.

I was also amazed by how much people were willing to ask of me. I'm still pretty new at St. Mark and I have absolutely zero authority over anything. Yet someone asked why I wasn't preaching. Someone else asked what they were supposed to do about something that was going on that day. The acolytes listened when I told them about the special candles that were out this week. It's weird for me to be back in that position. I knew where everything was and how everything worked at the church my dad started, and what I didn't know, I could find out with ease. Things were pretty similar at college after the first year. But here I am, in a position of supposed authority, and I don't know half of what's going on. It's definitely a humbling experience, and one I hope carries over into my first call, where I'll be learning the ropes of a new church, a new job, and a new life.

Praise God for humbling moments, and thank God for learning.

Stewardship

This month at St. Mark, like at many Lutheran churches throughout the US, is stewardship month. We're nearing the end of the church and calendar year, and it's time to make pledges, create a budget, and pray that everything works out next year.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, stewardship is the "churchy" word for faithful responsibility with resources, be they time, money, talents, etc. Yet when we talk about stewardship month in the church, we're usually only talking about the money part of it. At St. Mark, we had a speaker last week and the week before who talked about their own (money) stewardship journeys, and encouraged others to be faithful stewards of that which God has given them. Yesterday, we collected pledge cards, which is where each person or family spends some time deciding how much money they plan on giving the church over the course of the next year, then breaks that down to weekly or monthly offerings. This, along with history and some other things, forms the basis of the church's budget for the following year.

As you can see, stewardship is a big deal, but it is also a big leap of faith. Those who are honest, faithful, and prayerful about their stewardship for the following year are taking a big leap. The church council is trusting the people of the congregation to meet their pledges so that the budget comes out balanced--or at least not too far in the red.

But I want to talk more about the meaning of stewardship in the church. It really bothers me that stewardship means so many things to us, yet we only really talk about money. This isn't just a problem at St. Mark. It's a general problem with the church. We emphasize that being faithful stewards includes being eco-friendly, sharing our time and talents, and living our entire life as faithful people, not just Sunday mornings. Why don't we talk about this? What would the church look like if we were faithful stewards of our lives, not just of our money? And would being faithful stewards of our lives make us more faithful stewards of our money?

Evangelism Sermon

This is the sermon I preached in class today. It doesn't have anything to do with my field ed, except that I would love to preach it if the opportunity comes up during the year.

            When I was a little girl, Beauty and the Beast was my favorite movie. I could sing all the songs, laugh before the funny parts even happened, and quote a good chunk of the movie. Who doesn’t love the story of a girl who is so good-hearted that she can fall in love with a hideous beast? And the singing didn’t hurt my love of the movie. But as I get older, I realize that the true message in this story isn’t about singing or magic or a pretty girl falling in love with a beast. It’s about showing love and hospitality to all we meet. This is clear from the very first scene (see the prologue to Beauty and the Beast  here).

            The message here, like in our lesson from Luke today, is that we are called to care for those around us, both stranger and friend. What would have happened if the disciples had ignored or rejected the stranger who approached them on the road? Not only would they have proven that they never did learn what Jesus had taught, but they would have missed out on an opportunity to see the risen Christ! Luke says that the disciples did not recognize Jesus. They had no idea who he was until he broke and blessed the bread at supper, as he had done a few nights before at the Passover.

            But look at how the disciples react when they meet this stranger, who seemingly knows nothing about the events of the past days. They say about Jesus:

“He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place. In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning but didn’t find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive. Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but him they did not see.”

            The disciples are not afraid to share their story with the stranger. Although they are gloomy and disenchanted by Jesus’ death, they still have faith, and they are still in awe of all that Jesus did. They call him “powerful in word and deed.” Cleopas and the disciple with him go so far as to share the events of that very morning: our women have seen a vision of angels, and the Lord’s body is gone. There is not a conclusion to the Jesus saga, yet the disciples tell their story anyway. They are so overcome with the emotion and power of it all that they simply cannot help but tell this stranger about their life.

            We should be able to share the Gospel news with equal excitement. God is great, and God has done great things for us. God has equipped us with all we need to share the Gospel message, and constantly empowers us through the Word. How can we keep from sharing the story of God’s great love for us? Why wouldn’t we want the rest of the world to know why we are people of faith? Jesus died on the cross so that all people could be saved from the power of sin and death. So shouldn’t we be bursting with joy to share this message with all people? Cleopas is never mentioned again in the New Testament, yet many people know this tale of the walk to Emmaus. The other disciple with him doesn’t even have a name in this story! That’s because the power of the Gospel is more important than the people who share and hear the story—it’s about God and God’s power. 

            When we have good news, we can’t seem to keep it inside. When we get a good grade, get married, have children, get a job, or achieve something, we tell everyone we meet. We can see this on a daily basis through Facebook. People want to tell their 500 closest friends about all the wonderful events in their lives. If we are this open about the relatively minor, quickly changing news in our lives, how can we possibly keep quiet about God’s saving power? Chris Tomlin has a wonderful song called “How Can I Keep from Singing” where he sings,

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

Truly how can we keep from singing? The disciples, in the most disappointing moment of their lives, are able to share the great love of Jesus Christ with this stranger. We have been saved by an amazing God. How could we possibly keep this inside?

            The disciples learn a second lesson from their time on the road to Emmaus. Jesus teaches them that they haven’t been listening very well to his words. If they had been listening, perhaps Jesus wouldn’t have said:

“How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself. 

This is not the first time Jesus has instructed the disciples about the need for the Messiah to die and rise again. Throughout Luke, Jesus tells his followers that he will die, but will return to meet them again. Yet Cleopas and his companion apparently forgot this. Part of the lesson they learn on the road is that they made some mistakes.

            We make mistakes when we are sharing the Gospel, too. We all have problems, so of course our conversations and connections will be less than perfect. Occasionally, we might forget the details Christ has given us, but he will always be there to remind us, to teach us again. And through our witness, others can grow to know Christ and learn from him, as well. If we wait for the moment when we are “good enough” to share the Gospel message, we will never speak a word of it. But if we accept that spreading God’s Word to all people, not perfection, is the goal, we won’t be able to keep it inside.

            Perhaps even more interesting than the disciples’ recognition of their own faults is their willingness to listen to this stranger. He calls them “foolish” for not remembering the Scriptures, for not remembering what they have been taught. They don’t leave him behind or stop talking to him on the journey. Instead, they listen to his every word, and later recall that their hearts were “burning” as he spoke to them. When we share the Gospel message, we are all changed. Hearing the Word again reminds us of its great power, and hearing someone else’s understanding of the Word keeps us from arrogance and thinking we know it all. God has a lot to teach us, and God uses many means to do so.

            At the end of the day, the disciples invite Jesus to stay with them, have dinner, and rest where they are staying. Perhaps they have learned a lesson. Jesus tells them in Matthew 25:

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

            “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

            “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

Cleopas and his friend have very little idea who this stranger is. They have walked with him for part of the day, shared stories, and learned from one another, but they know little about Jesus’ true character. They don’t know where he is going, what he is doing, or whether he is a good person or not. Yet they invite him in. In fact, they insist that he remain with them through the night. They have truly understood Jesus’ command to care for all people. They have provided hospitality to the Son of Man himself. What if the spoiled, selfish, and unkind prince from Beauty and the Beast had heard this parable? Maybe he would have let the old woman in, providing her dinner and a place to stay in his palace. Sure, the story probably wouldn’t have been that exciting, but the prince would have done a beautiful thing for another human being. They could have shared stories, food, space, and faith.

            Jesus has called us to share his good news with all people. We sometimes think we aren’t qualified, don’t know enough, or aren’t good enough to share the Gospel message. But even these nameless disciples were able to share their faith without fear, but with great awe. We know how their story ends. We know that Jesus rose from the dead, and we know he lives and reigns even today. How can we keep from sharing this message with everyone we meet? How can we keep from singing? Amen.

Together

This Thursday, I had the privilege of going to the Mercer Cluster meeting. This is an annual gathering of the pastors and some laity from the churches in the area, where they discuss what's going on in their churches, in the region, finances, new pastors/pastors who are leaving, etc. Pastor Linda is actually the cluster counselor, and she thought it would be a great experience for me

It's meetings/events like this that I never had the opportunity to attend, even as a pastor's kid. There was really no reason for me to go to gatherings like this, and I mostly stayed home with Mom while Dad went to the boring meetings. So when I get the opportunity to attend this kind of meeting, I really truly enjoy the new experience. I really like the community here in Mercer County. The pastors meet each Tuesday for Bible studies, work hard to support the mission congregation, threw a party for a pastor who was leaving his call, and generally supporting one another in ministry. I love seeing the church at work in a very Jesus-like way, loving one another and being concerned for what happens in each others' lives. It is definitely important for the leadership to have such great relationships with one another.

The various churches are so supportive of one another. The mission congregation needs a lot of financial help, and the rest were more than willing to jump in. One of the churches just called a first-call pastor, and the other pastors are helping out with all of that, as well. The camaraderie is just fantastic, and I hope I am able to find a great group of fellow pastors when I am ordained. It's a very important community to have, and I hope I am so blessed.

Confirmation

This week was Confirmation Sunday, in addition to being Reformation Sunday. It seems that most Lutheran churches throughout the country confirm students either on Reformation or Pentecost. Something about the red? I don't know, but it's kind of cool to have a general idea of when it's going to happen.

Anyway, I haven't had a lot of interaction with these particular confirmands. On my first week at the church, I sat in on their meeting with Pastor Linda about what this Sunday would entail, who would do which jobs in worship, how they should wash their hair because Pastor Linda would be doing a laying on of hands, etc. Beyond that, I haven't spent much time with them, with the exception of the one girl who attends youth group.

These five students are sophomores in high school. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Lutheran process of Confirmation, this is fairly late. Most churches do 1-2 years of Confirmation classes, either during Sunday School or evening times, and then the students are confirmed in the fall of their freshman year. At St. Mark, the students have two years of Sunday School classes, then a third year of evening classes. This system is not Pastor Linda's, but the previous pastor's doing. When I first talked to her about it, I thought it was a bit much--three years? But as I've spent time with the students, watched the different classes in action, thought about the classes, and talked to my fellow students about Confirmation, I've come to realize that this is a great system for a few reasons.

First of all, the students get a full year to study the Old Testament, New Testament and the Catechism. They have a wide variety of teachers, settings, and classes throughout these years. When they've completed Confirmation, they actually have a working knowledge of the Bible, as well as Lutheran doctrine. Imagine doing all that in just one year!

Second, the students have time to grow as people during the course of Confirmation. Rather than jump in during eighth grade and be expected to affirm their commitment to the faith the next year, there is time for struggling with questions about the Bible and faith, and plenty of time to learn.

One of the main motivators I have for liking this system is that students are confirmed in the fall of their sophomore year. For the past three years, one of which was their freshman year of high school, they have been expected to attend class and worship, sometimes instead of other activities. By the time they are sophomores, then, church has become a regular part of their life, not something they can just skip when it doesn't "fit into the schedule." I haven't gotten the chance to ask Linda yet, but I'm wondering what the retention rate of confirmed students is at St. Mark.

This Sunday also marked the 10th anniversary of my own Confirmation, something I could not believe. When I texted my mom about it after the service, she was pretty surprised by it, as well. I had an interesting time reflecting over the last 10 years of my faith life. When I was confirmed, becoming a pastor was the farthest thing from my mind. I was convinced that being a lawyer was my calling, and that I needed to work hard, go to school, and fight in court for the rest of my life. I had a pretty good knowledge of most of the Bible, but there were parts of it I had never read. I understood some of the Lutheran doctrine, but couldn't articulate most of it.

Now, here I was, presenting candidates for Confirmation with tears in my eyes. What an amazing opportunity to see these kids accept responsibility for their own faith, but also recognizing how much farther they will go. God is truly at work, and it was wonderful to be a part of God's work this past Sunday. And, as Pastor Linda said, "Just wait until you've spent three years teaching and working with the kids you're confirming."

Humility

I realized something about myself today during church: sometime in the last five or so years, I've passed from being one of those people who pretends to be humble to someone who actually feels humility every once in awhile. I still don't know how to handle people telling me that I sing or read or speak well. I know that God has given me the gifts of speaking and singing to the glory of God, but I have a hard time recognizing this when people are talking to me. I usually get away with a shy "thanks," but I feel like that conveys more false humility than an acknowledgment of what God has bestowed upon me. This is something I'm going to keep working on, because I definitely won't be done reading, speaking, singing, or teaching any time soon.

In the past, I've been pretty confident in my ability to do what God has called me to do. As my earlier post about fear shows, I am nervous about what a life of service to God as a minister will mean for me, whether I am really prepared to do it, and all of the baggage that comes along with that. I recognize, though, that God would not have given me the gifts for pastoral ministry if God didn't want me to be using them in my daily life. I truly believe that God will lead me through my ministry, guiding me if I am open to what God has to say to me. I think the difference between my pride in the past and my attitude now can really only be described as humility. I am aware that nothing I do in my ministry will be of my own doing, but rather God's power manifest in me. As Pastor Linda said in a children's message the other week, certainly God could come down and do things like lead the Israelites out of Egypt, but he doesn't--he uses his faithful followers.

So now I meander my way through this field ed assignment, trying to discover some of strengths and weaknesses, the places where I am knowledgeable or ignorant, and just how to do this thing called ministry. I've learned that I can make mistakes and the service doesn't fall apart. There's one way to keep me humble--God keeps working even when I screw up. Apparently the life and death of a service or congregation doesn't hinge on my ability to be perfect or do everything the way I should. Thank God. Amen.

Youth

A big part of my field education experience is going to be working with the youth. Most people know I'm pretty good at working with kids, because I love hanging out with them and think they're great. I've been part of Theology on Tap, which is an adult Bible study group, for a year and a half now. But I have a big gap in my Christian education teaching from sixth to twelfth grade. Part of this is because when I was at Rejoice, I was too young to teach middle and high school students--I was one.

Another part is that I simply have a hard time working with groups of teenagers. I love spending time with Sarah and Jon by themselves. When they get in a group, though, I start to get annoyed really quickly. Teenagers just have a really interesting mentality when they are with their friends, and I need to learn how to deal with this.

Lucky for me, Linda was a high school history teacher before she was a pastor, so she has plenty of experience with teenagers. She also has a 14-year-old, who just so happens to be in Confirmation this year. This has worked out great because I'm observing her in Confirmation for the next few weeks/months, and then I'll be able to help teach. I'm so excited to learn about this part of ministry, and Linda has been a great teacher. I'm also working with the 7th and 8th graders on Sunday mornings. Their teacher, Stacy, is also a wonderful person who works great with the kids. I'm learning a lot from spending time with her on Sundays.

I went to youth group on Sunday night, too. I loved listening to the students (junior and senior high kids) talking to each other, and hearing about school, friends, family, etc. But when we got to the worship part of the evening, they were completely unfocused. I had a hard time worshiping simply because the kids were talking and laughing and not paying any attention at all. I'm not sure how to address this problem, as I know it will be an issue in every church where I serve. It was a good test of my patience, because I'm not in charge and didn't feel like it was my job to say anything. I also enjoyed seeing how Robyn, the youth leader, reacted.

I'm learning a lot about working with youth, but I know this is going to be one of the biggest challenges to my ministry. Luckily, God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who feels a calling to work with youth and young adults. Maybe I can just get him to teach my confirmation classes for me...

Can Women Do That?

Pastor Linda gave me some homework last week: to write about the challenges associated with being a woman in ministry that I have encountered thus far. I'm also taking a class called Sex and Scripture, so this topic is near to my heart right now, and I'm sure I'll be thinking about it a lot over the next months. So here is that reflection:

One of the first challenges for women in ministry that I have noticed while working at St. Mark is what to wear. Whereas male ministers have a clear cut “uniform” of a suit, it seems that there is no such comparable garb for a female pastor. I find myself staring into my closet on Saturday night, wondering what would be most appropriate to wear at church on Sunday. If it is appropriate for Sunday worship, am I going to be overdressed for Confirmation and youth group later that day? Can I wear a skirt or dress? Can I wear open-toed shoes? Can I wear some jewelry?

This is an issue I have never really had to address before. In my jobs during high school and college, I either had a uniform or I was babysitting. People either automatically knew my role in the situation or they were younger than me and therefore deferred to my authority. In the church, however, I want to make sure I not only convey who I am as a person, but I need to be modest, and dress for the job to which I aspire. Just last week, someone told me they liked my outfit. Although I said “thank you,” I automatically wondered if my clothing was distracting from the point of church. 

I do not think I have been this hyperconscious of my clothing since high school, and then I was trying to impress everyone. As I go through this field education experience, I want to continue learning how to express myself through how I dress without being a stumbling block to anyone in the congregation. There is definitely not a simple answer, but I am finding my way.

The other greatest challenge I have seen so far is not letting emotions get in the way of ministry. During the baptism this past Sunday, I got teary-eyed. Baptism is a wonderful, powerful experience, and it definitely moved me this past week. At the other end of the spectrum, I am very aware of other people’s suffering and fairly empathetic. I have been known to cry from seeing someone else cry. This is a challenge that is specific to me, but I also think that women in general have to deal with their emotions a lot. I will need to learn how to keep my emotions in check during baptisms, weddings, etc., but I also need to figure out when it is appropriate to share those emotions. There are times to “toughen up” and times to let loose with emotions, and one of my goals is to determine these and learn how to deal with each situation.

Yuck.

Yesterday, I got the wonderful pleasure of doing something I'd hoped could be put off for years: going to church sick. I've been sick off and on all week long, and, of course, yesterday was the worst day so far. So I got up, forced myself to eat some breakfast, drank some coffee, took some medicine, and hoped for the best. By the middle of the 8:15 service, said coffee, medicine, and breakfast had kicked in and I felt pretty good. I didn't really have to fake being awake or excited anymore. I read my reading, said my prayer, heard a great sermon, and mingled a little during coffee time (during which I had some more coffee).

Yesterday was also my first day to attend the 7th and 8th grade Sunday school class, which are the biblical confirmation years. Confirmation at St. Mark is 3 years: Old Testament, New Testament, and Catechism. The ninth graders meet approximately every other week for their Confirmation time. So I got to sit with the SUPER quiet junior high kids and try to help Stacy get them to talk. The boys eventually started giving answers, but the girls never did talk. I've been continually surprised by how many of the junior and senior high kids are so quiet. I'm pretty sure I was never quiet, and I think most of the kids in my Confirmation class were talkative. We were constantly being told to settle down, and I don't remember anyone who needed to be prodded into talking. Since I'm just observing, I haven't been interfering much in this manner, but I'm curious to see what Stacy and Pastor Linda do as time goes on. I'm curious to hear what everyone has to say, and I'm sure they are, too.

So after the class, I went and robed up for the second service. Then things really started to fall apart. All of a sudden, none of my medicine or caffeine seemed to be working again. I had to force myself to keep my eyes open, and I could barely sing. I managed to make it through my reading and prayer again, but things were not looking good. I was just biding time, hoping to make it through the rest of the service. I don't know what I would have done if I was the pastor. I only had a few parts in the service this morning, and I was hidden behind a column for the rest of it. No one knew that I was trying not to fall asleep for most of the second half. So I made it through, talked a little, then headed home to take a nap, which got me through Confirmation.

I don't remember my dad ever being sick on a Sunday. Sometimes he was sick on Mondays, but I don't even recall him complaining about not feeling well on Sunday afternoon. I can't imagine that he never got sick in the 18 years that I lived with him while he was a pastor. But he certainly never whined about it, and he never let the congregation know how he was feeling. There are definitely times to let the congregation know you're not perfect. I'm definitely not going to try to exude perfection, because that just perpetuates the idea that I'm supposed to have no flaws. But I think there's something to be said for not letting people know that you're not feeling 100% on Sunday morning...I just hope I don't have to do that again for awhile!

Scared

I visited St. Mark two weekends ago just to observe and to get my field ed going. I didn't meet with Pastor Linda until the following week, so when I introduced myself to the members of the congregation, I just told them who I was, not why I was there. I was just another visitor (who appeared to have a 7-year-old, because Dan was with me--I wonder what people thought about that).

This week when I attended, I was able to talk to the congregants about my position. Pastor Linda and I had met for two hours on Thursday to talk about my role, my goals, her expectations, the congregation, our lives, etc. I knew I would be working as a field ed student, and I knew some of what I was going to be doing throughout the year.

Pastor Linda introduced me to the congregation at both services, so now they knew that I am a seminiarian, a field ed student, and a future pastor (God willing). And all of a sudden, I got pretty nervous. This happens to me every so often when I think about the future. Will people like me? Will I remember names? What if I make a mistake? What if I say something wrong? What if I don't stay true to God's message? Am I going to be a good pastor? WHAT AM I DOING? Usually, I calm down in an hour or so and forget about all these scary questions for a few more months. All of a sudden, these questions seemed way more relevant and immediate. And that scared the crap out of me.

Then the congregants started coming up to me, and my fears were confirmed. Most of them seemed to see me as just a step lower than Pastor Linda. I've been in seminary for a month! I'm nowhere near ready to be ordained and held up to that status. But they were asking me questions as if I were. What a scary thought--people looking up to me. It's one thing when a 3-year-old looks up to me. But these are adults, most of whom are older than me, and they expect me to be an expert. What a scary, scary place to be...and this is the job I've chosen. Haha.

But, by the grace of God, I made it through the day and managed to talk to Pastor Linda about it during our meeting yesterday. She calmed me down and reminded me that I don't need to have the answers to everything. I'm preparing for ministry, and this is one of the many steps on that path. I don't know if I'll never get used to people thinking of me this way. It's a scary thought, that's for sure.

A whole new world

This week is my first "real" week as a field education student at St. Mark Lutheran Church in Hamilton. The leader for our field ed group suggested that I journal about my experience working there, but who writes in a journal anymore? So I've been taking notes and I decided to revive Jesusified with a completely different point rather than writing yet another new blog.

So field ed at LTSP is pretty interesting. First year students do a rotational, which means they attend five churches for three weeks apiece throughout the semester. The goal is to observe worship in a variety of settings, learn what they like/don't like, and just simply BE in the church for the last time...ever.

In between the first and second year, we do a Clinical Pastoral Education, or CPE. We spend 40 hours a week for about 10 weeks of the summer working as a chaplain. This can be in a hospital or prison setting, with a few exceptions. Most students end up in a hospital. The goal is to learn more about this specialized ministry, with the purpose of being able to minister to those who are sick and dying in a parish, as well. 

Second year students do a site placement. The goal is to learn a little more about being a leader in the church. Students are supposed to attend council meetings, lead in worship, help teach classes, preach, etc. Because I whined and complained enough (I'm not ashamed to admit that there was a lot of whining and complaining involved in getting this worked out), I am doing this field ed this year, despite the fact that I'm a junior. The rotational sites are all in and around Philly, and I simply don't have the time or the gas money to drive to Philly another day every week.

Finally, we arrive at the internship, which is a full-time, full-year position in a church between the second and third years of study. The goal is to participate fully in the ministry of the church, preaching frequently, leading classes and Bible studies, doing visitation, writing curriculum, etc., etc., etc. An intern is supposed to experience most, if not all, of the work of the pastor, and fully immerse herself in the church setting. Then, when she goes back to school for the final year, she takes classes to help her improve in those areas where she was previously lacking. Then you get ordained (hopefully).


So after all my kicking and screaming, and eventually finding out that trading around the field ed experiences is not that big of a deal after all, I'm in a site. My supervisor/pastor is Linda Thurston, and I'm very excited to be working at St. Mark. It's only about a 10 minute commute, which might be the closest I've ever lived to a job. Very soon, I'll come back and write a little about the last two weeks and what's coming. We're going to talk about feelings, so just a warning there.

Day 40

"When he had received the drink, Jesus said, 'It is finished.' With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."

John 19:30

On the last day of my experiment, I chose the most difficult call we have as Christians. Like Jesus, we are called to be self-sacrificing. Jesus gave up his life to save the world. Each step over the past 40 days has been one of many on the path to be more like Jesus, and this is the ultimate.

Obviously, this wasn't something that I could contrive. Being self-sacrificing is something I must intentionally do in the moment. At each juncture of my life, I need to make sure that I am taking actions that follow Jesus' call on my life.

I have really learned and gained a lot from this experiment. Sometimes, it's very difficult for me to see the good in people, to share my faith, to remember the call on my life. In the day-to-day, I occasionally lose sight of who I am and whose I am. I am much more aware of myself, my actions, and my thoughts now than I was a little over a month ago when this began. Even if I only change one small thing about myself each day, I am growing ever closer to Jesus. Yet there is nothing I can do that will earn me the grace that God already gave, so I will definitely keep that in mind. We are called to be like Jesus, but we are also called to remember that we cannot save ourselves. Nothing but the grace of God can do that.

Day 39

"'Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'"

Matthew 28:19-20

So here I am, fooling around at the house before my third day of seminary. And despite the massive headache and overwhelming-ness that is the first few days of any school, I've been trying to focus on my reasons for being at seminary. One of the main reasons is to be better equipped to follow Jesus' command from the end of Matthew. Obviously, all Christians are called to follow this command, but I am going to be making a career out of it.

I have trouble sharing the Gospel message with people I don't know. I have no problem talking about theology with my friends, family, and fellow students. Yet telling someone I don't know about the wonderful, amazing news of the Gospel seems extremely intimidating. How do I get over this roadblock? I'm hoping seminary, my tenacity, and lots of prayers will get me to a point of more easily following God's commands.

Day 38

"'But what about you?' he asked. 'Who do you say I am?' Simon Peter answered, 'You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.'"

Matthew 16:15-16

My theme today came from worship at my first day of seminary. I've been feeling pretty nervous, worried, terrified, etc. about starting seminary, and especially about going full-time. The admissions director preached on this text during the sermon today. She pointed out that Simon says a lot of really stupid, unplanned things while Jesus is alive. Yet he became one of the leaders of the first Christian church. How is that possible?

Because God uses even the least of us, those of us who have no idea what we're saying, those of us who make promises we can't keep, those of us who have faith for a great minute, only to use it the next. Peter did all these things, yet he also recognized Jesus for who he was and he wasn't afraid to proclaim it.

We can all learn a lot from Peter's example. Like Abraham, David, and Jonah before him, Peter made mistakes. He didn't always trust God when he should have. But God still chose him to be a leader. Like I said in a much earlier post, we are all called to be ministers wherever we are; we don't have to be perfect, though, and that's a relief.

The other "Jesus" thing I took from this passage is that we should encourage one another, even when one of us makes mistakes. I felt that encouragement tonight, and I hope all of you recognize your own value and power in God's great plan.

Day 37 (Tuesday)

"Once more Jesus said to them, 'I am going away, and you will look for me, and you will die in your sin. Where I go, you cannot come.'"

John 8:21


When Jesus went to die, he had to go alone. No one else could do what he was about to do to save humanity.

Now, I'm not saying that the sacrifice Wes and I have made by moving away from our family and friends is anywhere near that of Jesus. Don't get me wrong. But as we are here in Texas visiting everyone, I've realized that we have gone away to a place where no one can follow. Sure, someone could move for a job in PA or NJ or NY, but the chances are slim, and, even then, most of our friends and family would still be down here in Texas.

It's tough to be that far away, knowing everyone will be down here for the next few years while we're in New Jersey. Occasionally, we'll be able to visit Texas, or someone will come visit us, but things will not be the same until we return. Where we go, not everyone can follow.

Day 36 (Monday)

 "Jesus said to them, 'Come and have breakfast.'"

John 21:12

I realized how important breaking bread with friends truly is as we came to Texas yesterday. Jon Lys picked us up from the airport, drove us to my great aunt's house, and took us to Whataburger on the way. Sure, we talked in the car, but there's just nothing that compares to sharing a (delicious) meal with a friend. One day, I might not remember what we ate together, or even that Jon picked us up from the airport, but I'll definitely remember that he was kind enough to spend time eating with us.

On our way down to the New Braunfels, we stopped to see our good ol' professor, RJ. He took us to a wonderful yogurt place, and we caught up on all the random parts of our lives. Enjoying food was, once again, a great unifying experience, and we had a great time together. I'm not saying that the trip to the bookstore wasn't great, but sharing food in Christian community was important yet again.

Finally, we had dinner with a bunch of our San Antonio area friends. Despite getting together for weddings several times since college graduations, I always enjoy group dinners the most. Sure, we could get together and play a game, watch a movie, or just hang out, but there is nothing like sharing a meal with great friends. Talking, laughing, and eating together is something that I wouldn't miss for the world.

Jesus and his disciples spent a lot of time eating together. The most significant was, of course, the Last Supper, but every meal they share is important. I hope I can remember that as I continue to share meals with great friends.

Day 35

"Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 'It is written,' he said to them, ''My house will be called a house of prayer,'' but you are making it a 'den of robbers.'""

Matthew 21:12-13

Today I spent some time thinking about whether we are being the church we are called to be, or if we are the "den of robbers" that Jesus talks about in this passage. Are we known for our prayer and service, or are we known for taking money and only serving ourselves?

I have no intention of going into a church and overturning all of the tables and chairs, but I do think it's important for us to have a critical eye on our churches. We are called to love, to serve, to be the hands and feet of Jesus in this world. If we are not these things, if we have become more about who is upset with whom, what is the right protocol for lighting the candles, and our outer appearances, we have become just as bad as the temple Jesus entered during his ministry.

I think that the Christian church as a whole has become more of the latter, ignoring the former. We're more worried about the way we want things to look today than we are about whose life we could change tomorrow. We forget that Jesus didn't care how the sacrifices were made/how much they cost, but about the sentiment behind the sacrifice.

We need to refocus as a church, and that starts with each one of us refocusing. That's one of my goals with this project, and I challenge all of you to do the same--remember what we're called to be, and act on it each day of your life.

Also, my cat would like you to know: 7777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777
77777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777n

Day 34

"'Dear woman, why do you involve me?'" Jesus replied. 'My time has not yet come.'
His mother said to the servants, 'Do whatever he tells you.'"

John 2:4-5

I discussed this story at a Bible study group once, and the leader talked about how Jesus' mom is the perfect Jewish mother. Even though Jesus says it's not yet his time, she just tells the servants to follow his lead.

I have to admit that I also like Jesus' response. Although he already said he's not ready for this, he still does exactly what his mother asks of him. How many times have I let someone tell me what I'm going to do, even as I say, "No, no, I can't!"

It's nice to know that Jesus was pressured into doing some things, as well. In this case, he performed a miracle just because his mother wouldn't take "No" for an answer. It makes me feel better about my own relationships with others, and my ability to be told what to do. Even Jesus was a pushover on occasion. Also, he liked to drink wine. Sweet.

Day 33

"Immediately he spoke to them and said, 'Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.' Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed."

Mark 6:50-51

On my way to work today, I was jamming with my Ipod when I started thinking, which is always a dangerous pursuit. I was thinking about driving to and from class or riding the train, when I'll have to leave work on Mondays to get to class on time, whether I'll enjoy my classes or not, etc. Then I started thinking about whether I can handle full-time class and full-timeish work, whether I'll get bored or lonely on the way to school, whether I'll make friends, whether I'll be able to do it or not.

Then the fear set in. Can I really handle this? AM I intelligent, hard-working, and faithful enough to get a Masters of Divinity? Do I have any idea what I'm doing, or am I making a huge mistake?

I hadn't come up with my Jesus-ified task of the day, but I definitely knew it now. I spent a lot of time in prayer today asking for peace and not fear. I fear a lot of things in my life, including some ridiculous ones. This is definitely a legitimate concern, but I know that God is calling me to be a pastor, and he'll be with me through this whole process.

Day 32

"'Woman,' he said, 'why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?'
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, 'Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.'
Jesus said to her, 'Mary.'
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, 'Rabboni!' (which means Teacher)."

John 20:15-16

Once Jesus is resurrected, he makes a number of appearances like this to his disciples. He comes back to meet with them, yet doesn't reveal himself until a certain point in the exchange. He walks miles to Emmaus, not telling his disciples that he has risen. They don't realize it until they're sitting down to dinner with him. He appears to his fishermen disciples, but they don't know who he is until he invites them to the shore.

The lesson I took from this trend is that there are correct and incorrect times to reveal one's true nature to others. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that, as the cast of Scrubs explains to Janitor, you can't reveal all your "crazy" at once. There are characteristics that a new friend, coworker, boss, date, teacher, etc. need to know about you right away, and these vary by the person. But there are other things that need to be saved for the right moment. In the relationship, your "crazy" should be saved. A new friend needs to earn trust before learning some important information.

My point here is that I sometimes reveal too much or not enough or say the wrong things in the right situations, etc. As a pastor, I'll have to be able to recognize what is the right and wrong thing to do, and when to show my "crazy." I pray that I will hear God's prodding and calling on my heart.

Day 31

"'O unbelieving and perverse generation,' Jesus replied, 'how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?'"

Matthew 17:17

Jesus has a lot of outbursts like this throughout the Gospels. He gets upset with his disciples, his followers, his family, etc. He gets mad because they don't understand what he's talking about, because they make ridiculous requests, or because he's just plain frustrated. As part of today's challenge, I took this as permission to sometimes get frustrated with other people.

I think the bigger takeaway from these parts of Jesus' ministry is that we has humans are frustrating to be aorund. Jesus discovered this as he tried to lead the Jewish people to a new kind of living--one where they lived peacefully, worshipped God properly, and loved all people. Yet they didn't get it. We still don't. This can be annoying for those of us who are/have aspirations to lead God's people. But, more importantly, it reminds us that we can easily ignore Jesus' callings on our lives.

How many times did Jesus show me that I am called to become a pastor, yet I ignored his call and his signs for upward of five years? How many times does he answer my prayers and I pretend I don't notice? How many times is the path clear, but I've blinded myself to it?

I know that I'm not going to be perfect, and that I'm not always going to notice when God is showing me the way. Yet today and in the future, I'm going to use my expanded prayer and alone time to really open myself to what God is saying to me. Jesus would appreciate it.

Day 30

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: 'Everyone is looking for you!'"

Mark 1:35-37


I think people today forget a lot that we need to take time for ourselves. Even Jesus did it. He went off to pray by himself after a few days of ministry. He needed a break--some time to be alone and to talk to his Father. Even though his time got interrupted, he still took a moment for himself. There's also an importance in knowing the difference between needing to take time for ourselves and needing to be there for our friends.

I don't have a lot of time alone, but I do have a lot of time with just Wes, which is almost as good. We don't have kids, we don't have high-stress jobs, etc., so I don't particularly need a lot of alone time. But everyone always needs to take some time for silence, prayer, and nothingness.

Today, I made sure I used the time I did have alone. While I was driving back and forth to work, I put on my "Awesome Christian Music" mix and had some prayer/praising Jesus time. I'm going to take some time every day to do this. Alone time is good for me.

Day 29

And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.

Luke 22:19-20

I went to both services with Wes yesterday because we sang and because we wanted everyone to get a chance to see Katherine again. Usually, I either sleep late and go to the second service or go to the first service and then hang out at the house waiting for Wes to come home.

We've started doing Communion every week, which is very exciting for me as a Lutheran. We Lutherans always do Communion every week, so going to the Methodist church and only getting Communion once a month has been getting on my nerves. So I took Communion twice yesterday, and I really started thinking about whether I honor the Sacrament like I should.

Do I just go and take the bread and juice, the go back to my seat? Somedays, I definitely do. I try to remember to say a prayer of thanks to Jesus for his great sacrifice when I go, but sometimes I forget to do even that. Jesus died for my sins, and I can't even treat Communion with the respect it deserves.

During church yesterday, I really paid attention to the words of the service, and I said a couple of prayers. I'm making a commitment to really honoring Communion the way it should be honored.

Day 28

"The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, 'May no one ever eat fruit from you again.' And his disciples heard him say it."

Mark 11:12-14

Many of us think of Jesus as a great example of perfection, who never made mistakes and never really acted human. Thinking about Jesus that way makes him less accessible, makes his sacrifice less powerful, and makes it more difficult to see his humanity. Yet Jesus certainly does get angry in this passage, and it's not even rational. The tree is not bearing fruit because it is not the season for figs. There is nothing wrong with this fig tree. It is going through the seasonal stages it is supposed to, but it is just not time for it to produce figs.

But Jesus, in his hunger, doesn't think about this. All he can think about is being hungry, and the fact that the tree doesn't have any fruit for him to eat makes him angry. He curses the tree, which later withers and dies.

I don't think of myself as an angry person, but I definitely do get upset sometimes. Occasionally, I even get upset completely irrationally, like Jesus in this story. Recently, I have been angry about Wes accidentally hurting me, not getting the money I was expecting for seminary, and my house not being as nice as I think it should be. Some of this anger was fair and justified. Some of it made no sense.

Knowing that Jesus got angry, and not necessarily for a good reason, doesn't mean that I should aim for that. It does, however, give me permission to make mistakes and get angry on occasion. Thank goodness I don't have to be perfect!

Day 27

"As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.'"

Matthew 3:16-17


Today, I enjoyed my status as part of God's creation. God created the world for humans to enjoy, and I wholeheartedly enjoyed my day at the beach.

Although we went to the beach to have fun and for Kat to get to experience the Jersey Shore, I spent some time floating along and reflecting on the awesomeness of God's creation. I can't even come up with a poem to describe what creation is like, yet God made it all. I can't comprehend calling the world into being--and such a fascinating world it is.

The ocean is such a beautiful sight. Even in the places where it seems calm, there is life teeming throughout it. We were reminded of this when seaweed caught around our ankles, when the teeny jellyfish stung us, and as the seagulls flew around looking for a meal.

Then there are the currents and tides. Throughout the world, warm and cool water currents are constantly moving in the ocean. They affect our lives, and the livelihood of the fish. And from my vantage point, I could see and feel towering waves, little waves, warm and cool pockets of sand and water, as well as much more. Then there was the undertow; I got knocked down by a couple of waves, but it was the pullback that scared me the most. Even a strong swimmer like me can succumb to the power of the ocean.

As I swam farther out, I remembered just how big the ocean is. The amount of water, power, and life contained within it is too much for me to fathom. And that's just one part of our world. How much bigger, more complicated, and amazing is the God who created it?

From our vantage point, we could see New York City. I was instantly brought back into the "regular" world, a world of traffic, lots of people, money, food, and waste. We have made some impressive things-- I think the only way to see the whole NYC skyline is from that distance. What an accomplishment. Then there was the trash...oh so much trash floated around us as we swam today. I was suddenly reminded of how humanity has and is destroying God's beautiful earth. God spent all that time creating the world for us to live in, and we've spent most of our time here making it an uglier place. What a shame.

I am sure there is much more to say about God's creation and the ocean, but these were just some of the thoughts I had today. Jesus certainly knew about the many parts of creation, admiring them and recognizing their beauty and power. He also cared for them, as I try to do every day.

Day 26

"Jesus looked at him and loved him. 'One thing you lack,' he said. 'Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'

At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth."

Mark 10:21-22

I really like this passage. It was actually one of the parts of Mark I told for our storytelling class. A lot of people use this to say that rich people will have a harder time truly following Jesus than those of us who are...monetarily challenged. Part of this interpretation comes from the fact that Jesus' next line is "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!" But I don't think that he's talking about being rich in money alone, or that richness is the only roadblock to becoming better followers of Christ. I've seen people with a lot of money serve Christ in wonderful ways, and I've seen (and been a part of) people who are poor who complain more than they worship.

I think Jesus is specifically talking about this rich man's stumbling block: his riches are more important to him than following Christ. Yet he is also speaking more generally about the challenges we face to ministry, love, service, and worship. Some people are unable to get past their anger in order to let go and worship Christ. Others are unable to break out of their nervousness and proclaim the good news. Many cannot stop stressing about the worries of today long enough to say a prayer and thank God for grace. And some, like me, cannot see past the challenges in their life to recgonize what they need to do.

After signing up for full-time class for the fall, I'm going to be in half as much debt as I would be if I went part-time, but it's still a significant chunk of money I don't have for school. Since I didn't plan on going full-time, I missed out on a number of scholarship opportunities that I would have otherwise had. In the short term, this might mean taking out another small loan, borrowing from family members, or doing my best to find the money in our budget to pay for school outright. In the long term, I'll be able to get more scholarships from the school, more outside (free) aid, and more time to save for the leftover bits. It's also going to make going to school the next two years much less stressful, much more flexible, and hopefully fun.

Yet here I am, stuck on the money issue. I can't see past the missing thousands of dollars to realize that this is clearly the path God is pointing me down. When I was $10,000 short for school at LSTC two years ago, I didn't even think twice. I knew God was telling me that it wasn't time for me to go to school, and perhaps that wasn't the place for me to go at all. Right now, I can clearly feel God telling me that LTSP is the right place, and this is the right time, but that doesn't mean life is going to be challenge free. But instead of seeing the benefits, the awesome opportunity, and the grace, all I can think about is the money I don't have.

I know I've said this before, but God never, ever promised us an easy life. He did promise to walk by us, even guide us, through life. Yet we are still going to have trials. I should be thankful that mine have been few and far between, that I have a loving family and friend support system, and that I can so readily discern God's call on my life. So today I vow to do so, and I ask that you would pray for my success.

Day 25

"'I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.'"

John14:18

Those of you who read our blog know that Wes and I want to adopt children. As of today, we're also going to be adopting a cat! Woot!

I think it's very relevant that Jesus talks about leaving his disciples not as orphans, but will return to them. Most Christians talk about God as Father, making us all brothers and sisters in Christ. We are no longer orphans, as we were when Jesus died and ascended, but we are a part of God's family.

Much like God has willingly accepted us into his family, making us his children. We are no longer wandering the world, alone and parentless. We have the perfect, wonderful Father. In the same way, I think we are called to take care of the orphans of this world. Although not all of us have the means or the desire to adopt orphans, Jesus makes it clear that we are to care for them as our own--feeding, visiting, clothing, and loving them as God's children.

I don't think animals are any different. I don't think God would want domesticated animals left alone to fend for themselves in the world. So we're called to take care of them as part of God's creation, as well. Some people, like the volunteers at Res-Q-Pets, foster or care for the animals while they're waiting for families. Others, like Wes and I, adopt the animals. Still others, like the people who shop at Shop Rite in Hamilton, provide food and money to care for the pets. None of these is a higher calling than another. They are all part of caring for God's creation, and we are all a part of that goal.

Day 24

"The man from whom the demons had gone out begged to go with him, but Jesus sent him away, saying,  'Return home and tell how much God has done for you.' So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him."

Luke 8:38-39

When things go wrong, when my plan is changed, when I just don't like what's going on, I definitely get upset. Yet Jesus clearly shows that each of us is called to different things. Not all of the people he encountered were called to be his disciples, to follow him wherever he went throughout the land. Some were sent back with a warning not to tell anyone what had happened. Others were told to live their lives less sinfully. Still others, like the man who had been possessed by Legion, were supposed to spread the good news everywhere.

Today, I found out that my financial aid for school would only be $2000 for the year if I only went part time, as planned. When we talked to the admissions people, they told me I would get at least 40% tuition. At $1500 a class, $2000 is nowhere near 40% for the year. So here I was, discussing the situation by email with the financial aid director, then calling Wes to update him. Needless to say, I was upset. I have been planning on going part time this year, then going full time next year, when Wes is almost done with school and I could quit working.

Now, instead, I'm going to be going full time for all three years. As I became increasingly frustrated with the financial aid situation, I realized there was a "simple" solution: take one more class, go full time, and live with it. The classes only run 10 weeks a semester, and then 2-3 weeks during the short term. Basically, for 20 weeks of my life, I'm going to be working a little harder, driving a little extra, and not having a lot of free time. If I can't deal with that, then I'm definitely not cut out to be a pastor.

I don't know why things worked out this way, and I don't think I need to ask. For one reason or another, I need to be in school full time this year. It's going to cause some stress and headaches on occasion, but it's going to make my CPE and candidacy process a heck of a lot easier. Maybe that's the reason. Maybe it's a reason I'll discover years from now. Maybe I'll never know. But I believe that God has called us each to do something, and that he has laid out the path for that to happen. It may not be easy, and we might make some mistakes along the way, but God is always walking with us.