Humility

I realized something about myself today during church: sometime in the last five or so years, I've passed from being one of those people who pretends to be humble to someone who actually feels humility every once in awhile. I still don't know how to handle people telling me that I sing or read or speak well. I know that God has given me the gifts of speaking and singing to the glory of God, but I have a hard time recognizing this when people are talking to me. I usually get away with a shy "thanks," but I feel like that conveys more false humility than an acknowledgment of what God has bestowed upon me. This is something I'm going to keep working on, because I definitely won't be done reading, speaking, singing, or teaching any time soon.

In the past, I've been pretty confident in my ability to do what God has called me to do. As my earlier post about fear shows, I am nervous about what a life of service to God as a minister will mean for me, whether I am really prepared to do it, and all of the baggage that comes along with that. I recognize, though, that God would not have given me the gifts for pastoral ministry if God didn't want me to be using them in my daily life. I truly believe that God will lead me through my ministry, guiding me if I am open to what God has to say to me. I think the difference between my pride in the past and my attitude now can really only be described as humility. I am aware that nothing I do in my ministry will be of my own doing, but rather God's power manifest in me. As Pastor Linda said in a children's message the other week, certainly God could come down and do things like lead the Israelites out of Egypt, but he doesn't--he uses his faithful followers.

So now I meander my way through this field ed assignment, trying to discover some of strengths and weaknesses, the places where I am knowledgeable or ignorant, and just how to do this thing called ministry. I've learned that I can make mistakes and the service doesn't fall apart. There's one way to keep me humble--God keeps working even when I screw up. Apparently the life and death of a service or congregation doesn't hinge on my ability to be perfect or do everything the way I should. Thank God. Amen.