This past weekend, I had the great honor of taking two girls to the NJ Winter Youth Assembly. By great honor, I mean I was the only one who was available and old enough. What an honor.
But seriously, this was a really interesting experience for me. I was never really a camper in any form or fashion when I was in junior and senior high. I went to a few Girl Scout camps/campouts, but I quit Girl Scouts in sixth grade. Then I went on a Confirmation retreat weekend, a congregational Confirmation retreat, a few youth weekends and the National Gathering. All of that over the course of 6 years, of course. I did the Confirmation stuff because I had to, and the youth gathering was a whole different animal. Me and 35,000 of my closest Lutheran friends. The Festival in Faith, though, was pretty close to this whole Winter Youth Assembly thing. I don't remember if it was a synodical or conference gathering, but I think I went every year that I was in high school, and I loved it. Still, it means that my view of retreats is a little skewed, since I only really had this one experience.
Then I moved to Texas, started dating Wes, and got talked into going to a few camps/retreats with him with hundreds of my closest Methodist friends. I could say that everything about those camps is different than the ones I went to in Ohio, but I would be exaggerating...a little. I don't know of any camps that are at the level of the ones in the Southwest Texas Conference. I hate to admit that the Methodists might have something on us, but...they do in this case. I've been completely spoiled by how well the camps are done down there, and so I now have this really awkward tension between the few camps I went to in Ohio and the few I went to in Texas. I don't think either gives me an accurate depiction of camp in general.
Anyway, with that massive amount of background, I went to this youth weekend not knowing what to expect. And some things bugged me beyond belief. I've never been to a retreat where everyone was okay with kids talking throughout the entire service. I'm aware that the atmosphere is not the same as in a congregation, but I think teaching the students how to be reverent is important. It seemed like some leaders cared about this and others didn't at all, so that really tainted my experience during some of the early worship services.
Then there was the Saturday night service, and everything got a lot better. People were attentive, prayerful, reverent, and paying attention. It was like the presence of the Eucharist completely changed their attitude. This carried over into the Sunday morning service, which I also loved. I haven't quite worked out how I feel about worship being more or less important depending on the context.
If I didn't know better, I would think that youth ministry was an easy job. The girls I took were wonderful, listened to me, let me know where they were, and asked permission to do whatever they were thinking of doing. The small group that I led was attentive, open to one another, profound, and really willing to dive into the texts with me. The whole weekend was just really uplifting, and I enjoyed it all--even not getting enough sleep.
Besides the great worship experience on Saturday, I think the biggest thing I took away from the weekend was that I still need to work on my leadership skills. When I was a squad leader my junior year in band, my leadership style was "yell, and yell more." By my senior year, when I was also the editor-in-chief of the newspaper, I learned that yelling doesn't necessarily work. Throughout the years since, I've really worked on being the kind of leader I've always admired: the one who has respect because she respects others. Yelling and anger don't benefit leadership, and I'm still trying to work on that. I'm in a much better place than I was 7 or 8 years ago, but I'm not there. Lots of prayer, contemplation, and hard work have gotten me to where I am today, and all I can do is keep working.
23.2.12
14.2.12
Well, that's lame
At the ripe old age of 24, I think I am finally able to admit something about myself: I don't like change.
I know, that's probably a surprise to everyone. Everyone else in the world absolutely adores change, so clearly I'm the odd one out on this one.
Seriously, though, I had quite the cathartic moment on the way home today (catharsis is not to be confused with Catechetics, which I keep confusing recently). I don't know if it is partially due to the long couple of days at school, or if it's just one of those times when everything comes raining down all at once or what. During the council meeting today, we talked about the possibility of St. Mark hosting other field education students over the next years. And suddenly, I realized that I can't imagine leaving there, yet it's coming in just a few months.
In the long run, I know that leaving St. Mark to work at another church is the exact experience I need. It's going to be a time for me to learn how another church works, to go to different council meetings, learn new names, and start again--with good reason. But I hate it. I super hate it.
When I was a kid, we moved approximately every three years until we moved to Hudson and started Rejoice. When I was almost 9 and we found out we were moving to Hudson, I bawled for days. I hated every moment of the move, and it definitely took me awhile to adjust to my new life. And I was NINE!! Then, as I got older and finally realized that God was calling me to a life of ministry, I started thinking that I would love to move around the country, always going to a new state or new place, not "just" moving around the northeast corner of Ohio like my boring family did. I graduated, moved to Texas, and eventually studied abroad for a semester.
Then we moved to New Jersey, and things changed. I realized that moving kind of sucks. There's all the packing, how to fit the same old junk into a new house, how to make your way around a new area, etc. And that's not to mention the issue of trying to maintain contact with all the people you've grown to know and love. Wes and I have been trying to keep up with our friends in Texas for a little over two years now, and it's no fun.
That said, there is one kind of change I'm a fan of: the kind of change that I get to create or choose for myself. I loved going to Argentina. Sure, I missed my friends and family, but I knew I would see them in a few months, and I was the one in charge of when I left, when I came back, and everything that happened while I was there. Yet, as I pointed out to Wes years ago, I can't imagine being a Methodist pastor, when someone else would get to tell me when and where I would be moving. Even if I DID decide to move churches every few years, it would be on my terms, not someone else's.
And don't get me wrong. There are some other kinds of change that I actually enjoy. Goodness knows that if I had to be in the same class for more than 12 weeks, there are times when I would not be able to handle that. If winter didn't go away eventually, I'd freak out. But these are predictable changes that I can think about in advance and process.
I finally realized--after my little pity party/cry in the car on the way home--that this issue is actually a good sign. The fact that it breaks my heart to think about leaving St. Mark after I've only been there five months proves that I really am following God's call on my life. If I could just walk away without a second thought, that would be a sign that something was wrong. Instead, I have to work through the feelings of leaving and changing again. And I can look forward to the day when one and a half years is not the longest tenure I've had in a house since I was in high school, when I can stay at a church longer than a school year, and when I can finally build relationships knowing that I'll be able to keep up with them, not leave a few years later.
I hope this isn't too much of a downer. Although I came home and told Wes that I needed a hug, I also told him, "I'm really not upset." Yes, it sucks to feel like I haven't been in the same place long enough to call it home since I left for college. Yes it's annoying to look toward the next few years and know that the only constant will be change. Yet I'm doing what God has called me to do. And I have Wes by my side through all of it. And even when it's tough, that's temporary. Honestly, what more could I ask for?
I know, that's probably a surprise to everyone. Everyone else in the world absolutely adores change, so clearly I'm the odd one out on this one.
Seriously, though, I had quite the cathartic moment on the way home today (catharsis is not to be confused with Catechetics, which I keep confusing recently). I don't know if it is partially due to the long couple of days at school, or if it's just one of those times when everything comes raining down all at once or what. During the council meeting today, we talked about the possibility of St. Mark hosting other field education students over the next years. And suddenly, I realized that I can't imagine leaving there, yet it's coming in just a few months.
In the long run, I know that leaving St. Mark to work at another church is the exact experience I need. It's going to be a time for me to learn how another church works, to go to different council meetings, learn new names, and start again--with good reason. But I hate it. I super hate it.
When I was a kid, we moved approximately every three years until we moved to Hudson and started Rejoice. When I was almost 9 and we found out we were moving to Hudson, I bawled for days. I hated every moment of the move, and it definitely took me awhile to adjust to my new life. And I was NINE!! Then, as I got older and finally realized that God was calling me to a life of ministry, I started thinking that I would love to move around the country, always going to a new state or new place, not "just" moving around the northeast corner of Ohio like my boring family did. I graduated, moved to Texas, and eventually studied abroad for a semester.
Then we moved to New Jersey, and things changed. I realized that moving kind of sucks. There's all the packing, how to fit the same old junk into a new house, how to make your way around a new area, etc. And that's not to mention the issue of trying to maintain contact with all the people you've grown to know and love. Wes and I have been trying to keep up with our friends in Texas for a little over two years now, and it's no fun.
That said, there is one kind of change I'm a fan of: the kind of change that I get to create or choose for myself. I loved going to Argentina. Sure, I missed my friends and family, but I knew I would see them in a few months, and I was the one in charge of when I left, when I came back, and everything that happened while I was there. Yet, as I pointed out to Wes years ago, I can't imagine being a Methodist pastor, when someone else would get to tell me when and where I would be moving. Even if I DID decide to move churches every few years, it would be on my terms, not someone else's.
And don't get me wrong. There are some other kinds of change that I actually enjoy. Goodness knows that if I had to be in the same class for more than 12 weeks, there are times when I would not be able to handle that. If winter didn't go away eventually, I'd freak out. But these are predictable changes that I can think about in advance and process.
I finally realized--after my little pity party/cry in the car on the way home--that this issue is actually a good sign. The fact that it breaks my heart to think about leaving St. Mark after I've only been there five months proves that I really am following God's call on my life. If I could just walk away without a second thought, that would be a sign that something was wrong. Instead, I have to work through the feelings of leaving and changing again. And I can look forward to the day when one and a half years is not the longest tenure I've had in a house since I was in high school, when I can stay at a church longer than a school year, and when I can finally build relationships knowing that I'll be able to keep up with them, not leave a few years later.
I hope this isn't too much of a downer. Although I came home and told Wes that I needed a hug, I also told him, "I'm really not upset." Yes, it sucks to feel like I haven't been in the same place long enough to call it home since I left for college. Yes it's annoying to look toward the next few years and know that the only constant will be change. Yet I'm doing what God has called me to do. And I have Wes by my side through all of it. And even when it's tough, that's temporary. Honestly, what more could I ask for?
9.2.12
BS
Last semester, Wednesday was my super long day. I spent about 12 hours at school, then went home and collapsed in exhaustion. Being Lutheran, that means that I missed out on quite a bit of stuff on Wednesday night. Luckily, I fixed that this semester, so now I get to participate in things like the Bible study that takes place each Wednesday night. When Lent rolls around in a couple of weeks, we'll switch over to midweek services, and I'm going to get to help out with that, as well.
Attending the Bible study has been a completely different experience for me. The first week, Linda was gone and I had to run the beginning of the Bible study. This consisted of asking people how their week went, introducing Mark, and playing a video. Yet it was pretty nerve-racking anyway. I've never led Bible study for a group of people who are significantly older than me. Everything went fine, but I'm interested to see how things go if/when I lead the study during Lent.
Unlike the 7th and 8th grade Sunday school class, I'm also not the resident "expert" in the adult Bible study. Linda is there, so my knowledge may occasionally be more fresh, but that doesn't mean I know more. Stacy, the leader in the 7th/8th grade group, frequently asks for clarification or more information if I have it. Linda definitely doesn't need that from me. I really enjoy that, because it means that I'm really participating, not helping to facilitate/lead. This Bible study is a learning experience for me, too.
One of the things Wes and I always talk about is how we're going to find time to worship, attend Bible study, etc. for ourselves. Anyone who has ever had any leadership capacity in a service knows that it changes the worship experience. Rather than being an hour or so of pure worship time, you have to actively search for time in which you are completely focused on God, rather than what's going on, what's coming, and when you have another responsibility. This Bible study time has been great because I really feel no pressure--I don't need the "right" answers, I don't have to know what's coming, and I can just relax, learn, and participate. And the company is great!
Attending the Bible study has been a completely different experience for me. The first week, Linda was gone and I had to run the beginning of the Bible study. This consisted of asking people how their week went, introducing Mark, and playing a video. Yet it was pretty nerve-racking anyway. I've never led Bible study for a group of people who are significantly older than me. Everything went fine, but I'm interested to see how things go if/when I lead the study during Lent.
Unlike the 7th and 8th grade Sunday school class, I'm also not the resident "expert" in the adult Bible study. Linda is there, so my knowledge may occasionally be more fresh, but that doesn't mean I know more. Stacy, the leader in the 7th/8th grade group, frequently asks for clarification or more information if I have it. Linda definitely doesn't need that from me. I really enjoy that, because it means that I'm really participating, not helping to facilitate/lead. This Bible study is a learning experience for me, too.
One of the things Wes and I always talk about is how we're going to find time to worship, attend Bible study, etc. for ourselves. Anyone who has ever had any leadership capacity in a service knows that it changes the worship experience. Rather than being an hour or so of pure worship time, you have to actively search for time in which you are completely focused on God, rather than what's going on, what's coming, and when you have another responsibility. This Bible study time has been great because I really feel no pressure--I don't need the "right" answers, I don't have to know what's coming, and I can just relax, learn, and participate. And the company is great!
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