I visited St. Mark two weekends ago just to observe and to get my field ed going. I didn't meet with Pastor Linda until the following week, so when I introduced myself to the members of the congregation, I just told them who I was, not why I was there. I was just another visitor (who appeared to have a 7-year-old, because Dan was with me--I wonder what people thought about that).
This week when I attended, I was able to talk to the congregants about my position. Pastor Linda and I had met for two hours on Thursday to talk about my role, my goals, her expectations, the congregation, our lives, etc. I knew I would be working as a field ed student, and I knew some of what I was going to be doing throughout the year.
Pastor Linda introduced me to the congregation at both services, so now they knew that I am a seminiarian, a field ed student, and a future pastor (God willing). And all of a sudden, I got pretty nervous. This happens to me every so often when I think about the future. Will people like me? Will I remember names? What if I make a mistake? What if I say something wrong? What if I don't stay true to God's message? Am I going to be a good pastor? WHAT AM I DOING? Usually, I calm down in an hour or so and forget about all these scary questions for a few more months. All of a sudden, these questions seemed way more relevant and immediate. And that scared the crap out of me.
Then the congregants started coming up to me, and my fears were confirmed. Most of them seemed to see me as just a step lower than Pastor Linda. I've been in seminary for a month! I'm nowhere near ready to be ordained and held up to that status. But they were asking me questions as if I were. What a scary thought--people looking up to me. It's one thing when a 3-year-old looks up to me. But these are adults, most of whom are older than me, and they expect me to be an expert. What a scary, scary place to be...and this is the job I've chosen. Haha.
But, by the grace of God, I made it through the day and managed to talk to Pastor Linda about it during our meeting yesterday. She calmed me down and reminded me that I don't need to have the answers to everything. I'm preparing for ministry, and this is one of the many steps on that path. I don't know if I'll never get used to people thinking of me this way. It's a scary thought, that's for sure.
28.9.11
27.9.11
A whole new world
This week is my first "real" week as a field education student at St. Mark Lutheran Church in Hamilton. The leader for our field ed group suggested that I journal about my experience working there, but who writes in a journal anymore? So I've been taking notes and I decided to revive Jesusified with a completely different point rather than writing yet another new blog.
So field ed at LTSP is pretty interesting. First year students do a rotational, which means they attend five churches for three weeks apiece throughout the semester. The goal is to observe worship in a variety of settings, learn what they like/don't like, and just simply BE in the church for the last time...ever.
In between the first and second year, we do a Clinical Pastoral Education, or CPE. We spend 40 hours a week for about 10 weeks of the summer working as a chaplain. This can be in a hospital or prison setting, with a few exceptions. Most students end up in a hospital. The goal is to learn more about this specialized ministry, with the purpose of being able to minister to those who are sick and dying in a parish, as well.
Second year students do a site placement. The goal is to learn a little more about being a leader in the church. Students are supposed to attend council meetings, lead in worship, help teach classes, preach, etc. Because I whined and complained enough (I'm not ashamed to admit that there was a lot of whining and complaining involved in getting this worked out), I am doing this field ed this year, despite the fact that I'm a junior. The rotational sites are all in and around Philly, and I simply don't have the time or the gas money to drive to Philly another day every week.
Finally, we arrive at the internship, which is a full-time, full-year position in a church between the second and third years of study. The goal is to participate fully in the ministry of the church, preaching frequently, leading classes and Bible studies, doing visitation, writing curriculum, etc., etc., etc. An intern is supposed to experience most, if not all, of the work of the pastor, and fully immerse herself in the church setting. Then, when she goes back to school for the final year, she takes classes to help her improve in those areas where she was previously lacking. Then you get ordained (hopefully).
So after all my kicking and screaming, and eventually finding out that trading around the field ed experiences is not that big of a deal after all, I'm in a site. My supervisor/pastor is Linda Thurston, and I'm very excited to be working at St. Mark. It's only about a 10 minute commute, which might be the closest I've ever lived to a job. Very soon, I'll come back and write a little about the last two weeks and what's coming. We're going to talk about feelings, so just a warning there.
So field ed at LTSP is pretty interesting. First year students do a rotational, which means they attend five churches for three weeks apiece throughout the semester. The goal is to observe worship in a variety of settings, learn what they like/don't like, and just simply BE in the church for the last time...ever.
In between the first and second year, we do a Clinical Pastoral Education, or CPE. We spend 40 hours a week for about 10 weeks of the summer working as a chaplain. This can be in a hospital or prison setting, with a few exceptions. Most students end up in a hospital. The goal is to learn more about this specialized ministry, with the purpose of being able to minister to those who are sick and dying in a parish, as well.
Second year students do a site placement. The goal is to learn a little more about being a leader in the church. Students are supposed to attend council meetings, lead in worship, help teach classes, preach, etc. Because I whined and complained enough (I'm not ashamed to admit that there was a lot of whining and complaining involved in getting this worked out), I am doing this field ed this year, despite the fact that I'm a junior. The rotational sites are all in and around Philly, and I simply don't have the time or the gas money to drive to Philly another day every week.
Finally, we arrive at the internship, which is a full-time, full-year position in a church between the second and third years of study. The goal is to participate fully in the ministry of the church, preaching frequently, leading classes and Bible studies, doing visitation, writing curriculum, etc., etc., etc. An intern is supposed to experience most, if not all, of the work of the pastor, and fully immerse herself in the church setting. Then, when she goes back to school for the final year, she takes classes to help her improve in those areas where she was previously lacking. Then you get ordained (hopefully).
So after all my kicking and screaming, and eventually finding out that trading around the field ed experiences is not that big of a deal after all, I'm in a site. My supervisor/pastor is Linda Thurston, and I'm very excited to be working at St. Mark. It's only about a 10 minute commute, which might be the closest I've ever lived to a job. Very soon, I'll come back and write a little about the last two weeks and what's coming. We're going to talk about feelings, so just a warning there.
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