Day 13

'"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
'And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'"

Matthew 6:25-34

Ahhhh, worrying. What a nice little pastime so many of us have in this life. I have to admit, I'm a huge culprit about worrying. And I don't worry about important things like getting enough food, clothes, or shelter. I worry about things like how Wes and I are going to pay for vacation 5 months from now, how we're going to raise our children, where we're going to be living when a certain event happens, when I should start thinking about/buying Christmas presents, etc., etc., etc. Just recently, I spent a few semi-sleepless nights up worrying about how we're going to afford adoption. Since we solved that problem, I've slept better. But I'm sure worries about whether or not my school books will arrive on time will keep me up again...

Worrying is such a waste of time. I don't think there is a single activity that is less productive that worrying. Worrying is counterproductive in the worst way. Jesus reminds us that we can't add even a second to our lives by worrying. And studies show that all that worrying actually takes years away from us. Yet it's so addictive. How many times have you laid awake worrying about something, only to get completely carried away and worry about even the most ridiculous, practically impossible things?

Much like my defense of having a healthy dose of cynicism, I think there is room in life for a little worrying. Not the nagging, distracting, keeping you awake kind of worry, but the kind that brings caution. Worrying about a teenaged child going off alone with their friends for the first time means you'll establish rules that will most likely keep them safe. Worrying about running out of gas means you'll probably never let your tank get low enough for that to be a problem. These worries are (hopefully) the come-and-go type. You address the issues, and the worry goes away.

My day of trying not to worry went pretty well. I didn't worry about being late to my appointment, and--lo and behold-- I wasn't. I didn't worry about my stomach hurting a little this morning, and the situation resolved itself. Focusing on not worrying gave me time for a wonderful worship experience in the car on the way to my appointment, and reading time this afternoon. Yet there are still the nagging worries in the back of my head: what if I fail at seminary? What if Wes and I never do the things we want to do? What if something bad happens to someone I love? The only way to combat these fears is to keep working on my prayer life. God will take care of me, but I need to let go of my need to always be in control.