A big week

I've been pretty remiss about writing my blog during CPE. Most of this is due to my lack of interest in thinking about the hospital when I'm not there. My experience has not been terrible, but that does not mean that I want to go home and write more about what I have been doing.

So, at this point, I have dealt quite a few new experiences. During July, we have really settled into a “normal” routine, and I pretty much know what to expect on any given week. I will have some patients who are appreciative of my visit but don’t want to talk or don’t want any help. I will have some patients who say they need nothing and then talk to me for half an hour. And I will have patients who break down or even call for a chaplain to visit. I don’t have many codes or alerts in my area, so that makes everything fairly routine.

Last Friday, I was on call and I got called into the hospital during the night for the first time—and then the second. The first was a sad case that is still working itself out here in the ICU. We’ll see what happens with that. The second was early on Saturday morning, when a patient died as his body just finally shut down from Parkinson’s. I spent about three hours with the family. I think I did a pretty good job of being a presence with them, and I was able to help them on a number of issues. This was my first experience with death in the hospital, and I was surprised by how well I handled it. Although tears for the family came to my eyes at several points during the meeting, I was able to be “helpful,” if that’s even the right word.

Between my on call shift last night and my 12-hour duty at the hospital today, I have been “in charge” of the pastoral care department for 24 straight hours. Last night proved fairly uneventful, and I got a lot more rest than I did last Friday. Today, however, has been one thing after another. I attended my first alert for a heart attack, and I was just amazed by how much pain someone can be in with no outward signs. I saw two stroke alerts, and what that can do to a family.

And I saw my second death in the hospital. I arrived to be with the family during a 20-minute attempt to resuscitate the patient, which was terrifying in a lot of ways. I could see the heart monitor the whole time (we were waiting a little way from the room, but I could see the main desk’s monitor), and it registered “0” beats per minute for most of that time. I felt like I knew where the situation was going, and maybe the family did too, but I could not tell them that and it was painful. They were actually pretty calm upon hearing the news, although they were obviously in grief. I think one of the things that has struck me most during my time here is people’s attitudes toward death. I will make sure to write more soon on that topic. Until then, we’ll pray that the hospital remains peaceful!