I'm starting to feel pretty "settled in" at the hospital--at least as settled as one can be at a hospital. I'm getting to know some of the staff, I'm getting more comfortable with "cold call" visits, and I haven't gotten lost or confused while wandering through the maze this week. I DID find Wes lost and confused earlier in the week when he was trying to visit a parishoner and I managed to get him where he belonged. But I'm really starting to feel comfortable with the whole situation. I'm very glad that the nearest hospital to me is a community hospital, not a trauma center. This is a good learning experience, not a terrifying one. Plus, considering how exhausted I've been as is, I can't imagine constant pages, 24-hour on calls, and the other pressures that go along with working in a trauma center.
One of the biggest things I'm trying to do is to really be more aware of myself and my relationships with other people. I've heard over and over that CPE is important to one's development in ministry, and that it's really about learning about yourself. I've been trying to take this to heart while also remembering that I am here to help patients through what is frequently a challenging point in their spiritual lives. I want to make sure that I'm properly caring for others, and not just myself. Yet I know that I have much to learn here.
On my final evaluation from St. Mark, Linda wrote that I have incredibly high standards for myself. Although she pointed I nearly always meet them, it is unfair to me and my sanity to always expect perfection. Linda told me that she is particularly concerned about this part of my personality in light of the soon-to-be-baby. There is absolutely no way I can continue to expect myself to get A's, keep my house perfectly clean, work effectively at field ed, and take care of Daniel while caring for a baby. It's just impossible. So I've been trying to keep that in the back of my mind as I work this summer. Although perfection is nice, it's definitely not necessary. No one else holds me to perfection, so why should I?
One of the biggest things I'm trying to do is to really be more aware of myself and my relationships with other people. I've heard over and over that CPE is important to one's development in ministry, and that it's really about learning about yourself. I've been trying to take this to heart while also remembering that I am here to help patients through what is frequently a challenging point in their spiritual lives. I want to make sure that I'm properly caring for others, and not just myself. Yet I know that I have much to learn here.
On my final evaluation from St. Mark, Linda wrote that I have incredibly high standards for myself. Although she pointed I nearly always meet them, it is unfair to me and my sanity to always expect perfection. Linda told me that she is particularly concerned about this part of my personality in light of the soon-to-be-baby. There is absolutely no way I can continue to expect myself to get A's, keep my house perfectly clean, work effectively at field ed, and take care of Daniel while caring for a baby. It's just impossible. So I've been trying to keep that in the back of my mind as I work this summer. Although perfection is nice, it's definitely not necessary. No one else holds me to perfection, so why should I?
I think one of the great things about being pregnant during this time is that I'm learning how not to push myself too hard. I simply can't work as hard as I used to. I'm doing a pretty good job of walking around and then taking a break. When I walk around the hospital, I try to take the stairs, but I get winded really easily, so I don't beat myself up if I grab the elevator one time. I've gotten my eating schedule down pretty much perfectly at this point, and I feel no shame in eating during our morning sessions, or leaving my floor for 15 minutes or so to take a snack break. I've also been doing a fairly decent job of admitting that I need to go to bed by 10 some nights so that I can make it through the next day. I even asked for help today! I asked Wes to go over and take care of Dan so I can take a nap in anticipation of maybe getting called in tonight. My biggest problem right now is that my body can't/won't do all the things I'm used to it doing, and that's frustrating. I'm going to be terrible at getting old...lol.
I have had some really great conversations this week with patients. We did a didactic last week on reflective listening skills. Ted told us that most pastor-type people are more likely to give moral advice, or be supportive of a person than to employ reflective listening. He pointed out that, although it is not always the best tool, it is important for us to learn how to be the listener in the conversation, not the primary talker. For this reason, we need to learn how to properly respond in each situation so that people will feel free to disclose more information, to tell us their stories, to share their faith struggles. This will not happen if we judge them, tell them what to do, or speak down to them. As someone who loves to talk, I am trying to become a more effective and better listener so that the patients feel heard.
I'm on call again tonight. Last week was very peaceful, although I woke up every 3 hours or so in a blind panic, thinking that I had missed the pager going off at some point. When I woke up at 8:15 and saw no pages, I pleasantly turned it off and slept for a little while longer. We'll see how tonight goes. I'll also be here from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. on Sunday, so that will definitely give me something to think/talk/write about!
I have had some really great conversations this week with patients. We did a didactic last week on reflective listening skills. Ted told us that most pastor-type people are more likely to give moral advice, or be supportive of a person than to employ reflective listening. He pointed out that, although it is not always the best tool, it is important for us to learn how to be the listener in the conversation, not the primary talker. For this reason, we need to learn how to properly respond in each situation so that people will feel free to disclose more information, to tell us their stories, to share their faith struggles. This will not happen if we judge them, tell them what to do, or speak down to them. As someone who loves to talk, I am trying to become a more effective and better listener so that the patients feel heard.
I'm on call again tonight. Last week was very peaceful, although I woke up every 3 hours or so in a blind panic, thinking that I had missed the pager going off at some point. When I woke up at 8:15 and saw no pages, I pleasantly turned it off and slept for a little while longer. We'll see how tonight goes. I'll also be here from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. on Sunday, so that will definitely give me something to think/talk/write about!
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