I visited St. Mark two weekends ago just to observe and to get my field ed going. I didn't meet with Pastor Linda until the following week, so when I introduced myself to the members of the congregation, I just told them who I was, not why I was there. I was just another visitor (who appeared to have a 7-year-old, because Dan was with me--I wonder what people thought about that).
This week when I attended, I was able to talk to the congregants about my position. Pastor Linda and I had met for two hours on Thursday to talk about my role, my goals, her expectations, the congregation, our lives, etc. I knew I would be working as a field ed student, and I knew some of what I was going to be doing throughout the year.
Pastor Linda introduced me to the congregation at both services, so now they knew that I am a seminiarian, a field ed student, and a future pastor (God willing). And all of a sudden, I got pretty nervous. This happens to me every so often when I think about the future. Will people like me? Will I remember names? What if I make a mistake? What if I say something wrong? What if I don't stay true to God's message? Am I going to be a good pastor? WHAT AM I DOING? Usually, I calm down in an hour or so and forget about all these scary questions for a few more months. All of a sudden, these questions seemed way more relevant and immediate. And that scared the crap out of me.
Then the congregants started coming up to me, and my fears were confirmed. Most of them seemed to see me as just a step lower than Pastor Linda. I've been in seminary for a month! I'm nowhere near ready to be ordained and held up to that status. But they were asking me questions as if I were. What a scary thought--people looking up to me. It's one thing when a 3-year-old looks up to me. But these are adults, most of whom are older than me, and they expect me to be an expert. What a scary, scary place to be...and this is the job I've chosen. Haha.
But, by the grace of God, I made it through the day and managed to talk to Pastor Linda about it during our meeting yesterday. She calmed me down and reminded me that I don't need to have the answers to everything. I'm preparing for ministry, and this is one of the many steps on that path. I don't know if I'll never get used to people thinking of me this way. It's a scary thought, that's for sure.
28.9.11
27.9.11
A whole new world
This week is my first "real" week as a field education student at St. Mark Lutheran Church in Hamilton. The leader for our field ed group suggested that I journal about my experience working there, but who writes in a journal anymore? So I've been taking notes and I decided to revive Jesusified with a completely different point rather than writing yet another new blog.
So field ed at LTSP is pretty interesting. First year students do a rotational, which means they attend five churches for three weeks apiece throughout the semester. The goal is to observe worship in a variety of settings, learn what they like/don't like, and just simply BE in the church for the last time...ever.
In between the first and second year, we do a Clinical Pastoral Education, or CPE. We spend 40 hours a week for about 10 weeks of the summer working as a chaplain. This can be in a hospital or prison setting, with a few exceptions. Most students end up in a hospital. The goal is to learn more about this specialized ministry, with the purpose of being able to minister to those who are sick and dying in a parish, as well.
Second year students do a site placement. The goal is to learn a little more about being a leader in the church. Students are supposed to attend council meetings, lead in worship, help teach classes, preach, etc. Because I whined and complained enough (I'm not ashamed to admit that there was a lot of whining and complaining involved in getting this worked out), I am doing this field ed this year, despite the fact that I'm a junior. The rotational sites are all in and around Philly, and I simply don't have the time or the gas money to drive to Philly another day every week.
Finally, we arrive at the internship, which is a full-time, full-year position in a church between the second and third years of study. The goal is to participate fully in the ministry of the church, preaching frequently, leading classes and Bible studies, doing visitation, writing curriculum, etc., etc., etc. An intern is supposed to experience most, if not all, of the work of the pastor, and fully immerse herself in the church setting. Then, when she goes back to school for the final year, she takes classes to help her improve in those areas where she was previously lacking. Then you get ordained (hopefully).
So after all my kicking and screaming, and eventually finding out that trading around the field ed experiences is not that big of a deal after all, I'm in a site. My supervisor/pastor is Linda Thurston, and I'm very excited to be working at St. Mark. It's only about a 10 minute commute, which might be the closest I've ever lived to a job. Very soon, I'll come back and write a little about the last two weeks and what's coming. We're going to talk about feelings, so just a warning there.
So field ed at LTSP is pretty interesting. First year students do a rotational, which means they attend five churches for three weeks apiece throughout the semester. The goal is to observe worship in a variety of settings, learn what they like/don't like, and just simply BE in the church for the last time...ever.
In between the first and second year, we do a Clinical Pastoral Education, or CPE. We spend 40 hours a week for about 10 weeks of the summer working as a chaplain. This can be in a hospital or prison setting, with a few exceptions. Most students end up in a hospital. The goal is to learn more about this specialized ministry, with the purpose of being able to minister to those who are sick and dying in a parish, as well.
Second year students do a site placement. The goal is to learn a little more about being a leader in the church. Students are supposed to attend council meetings, lead in worship, help teach classes, preach, etc. Because I whined and complained enough (I'm not ashamed to admit that there was a lot of whining and complaining involved in getting this worked out), I am doing this field ed this year, despite the fact that I'm a junior. The rotational sites are all in and around Philly, and I simply don't have the time or the gas money to drive to Philly another day every week.
Finally, we arrive at the internship, which is a full-time, full-year position in a church between the second and third years of study. The goal is to participate fully in the ministry of the church, preaching frequently, leading classes and Bible studies, doing visitation, writing curriculum, etc., etc., etc. An intern is supposed to experience most, if not all, of the work of the pastor, and fully immerse herself in the church setting. Then, when she goes back to school for the final year, she takes classes to help her improve in those areas where she was previously lacking. Then you get ordained (hopefully).
So after all my kicking and screaming, and eventually finding out that trading around the field ed experiences is not that big of a deal after all, I'm in a site. My supervisor/pastor is Linda Thurston, and I'm very excited to be working at St. Mark. It's only about a 10 minute commute, which might be the closest I've ever lived to a job. Very soon, I'll come back and write a little about the last two weeks and what's coming. We're going to talk about feelings, so just a warning there.
25.8.11
Day 40
"When he had received the drink, Jesus said, 'It is finished.' With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."
John 19:30
On the last day of my experiment, I chose the most difficult call we have as Christians. Like Jesus, we are called to be self-sacrificing. Jesus gave up his life to save the world. Each step over the past 40 days has been one of many on the path to be more like Jesus, and this is the ultimate.
Obviously, this wasn't something that I could contrive. Being self-sacrificing is something I must intentionally do in the moment. At each juncture of my life, I need to make sure that I am taking actions that follow Jesus' call on my life.
I have really learned and gained a lot from this experiment. Sometimes, it's very difficult for me to see the good in people, to share my faith, to remember the call on my life. In the day-to-day, I occasionally lose sight of who I am and whose I am. I am much more aware of myself, my actions, and my thoughts now than I was a little over a month ago when this began. Even if I only change one small thing about myself each day, I am growing ever closer to Jesus. Yet there is nothing I can do that will earn me the grace that God already gave, so I will definitely keep that in mind. We are called to be like Jesus, but we are also called to remember that we cannot save ourselves. Nothing but the grace of God can do that.
John 19:30
On the last day of my experiment, I chose the most difficult call we have as Christians. Like Jesus, we are called to be self-sacrificing. Jesus gave up his life to save the world. Each step over the past 40 days has been one of many on the path to be more like Jesus, and this is the ultimate.
Obviously, this wasn't something that I could contrive. Being self-sacrificing is something I must intentionally do in the moment. At each juncture of my life, I need to make sure that I am taking actions that follow Jesus' call on my life.
I have really learned and gained a lot from this experiment. Sometimes, it's very difficult for me to see the good in people, to share my faith, to remember the call on my life. In the day-to-day, I occasionally lose sight of who I am and whose I am. I am much more aware of myself, my actions, and my thoughts now than I was a little over a month ago when this began. Even if I only change one small thing about myself each day, I am growing ever closer to Jesus. Yet there is nothing I can do that will earn me the grace that God already gave, so I will definitely keep that in mind. We are called to be like Jesus, but we are also called to remember that we cannot save ourselves. Nothing but the grace of God can do that.
23.8.11
Day 39
"'Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'"
Matthew 28:19-20
So here I am, fooling around at the house before my third day of seminary. And despite the massive headache and overwhelming-ness that is the first few days of any school, I've been trying to focus on my reasons for being at seminary. One of the main reasons is to be better equipped to follow Jesus' command from the end of Matthew. Obviously, all Christians are called to follow this command, but I am going to be making a career out of it.
I have trouble sharing the Gospel message with people I don't know. I have no problem talking about theology with my friends, family, and fellow students. Yet telling someone I don't know about the wonderful, amazing news of the Gospel seems extremely intimidating. How do I get over this roadblock? I'm hoping seminary, my tenacity, and lots of prayers will get me to a point of more easily following God's commands.
Matthew 28:19-20
So here I am, fooling around at the house before my third day of seminary. And despite the massive headache and overwhelming-ness that is the first few days of any school, I've been trying to focus on my reasons for being at seminary. One of the main reasons is to be better equipped to follow Jesus' command from the end of Matthew. Obviously, all Christians are called to follow this command, but I am going to be making a career out of it.
I have trouble sharing the Gospel message with people I don't know. I have no problem talking about theology with my friends, family, and fellow students. Yet telling someone I don't know about the wonderful, amazing news of the Gospel seems extremely intimidating. How do I get over this roadblock? I'm hoping seminary, my tenacity, and lots of prayers will get me to a point of more easily following God's commands.
21.8.11
Day 38
"'But what about you?' he asked. 'Who do you say I am?' Simon Peter answered, 'You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.'"
Matthew 16:15-16
My theme today came from worship at my first day of seminary. I've been feeling pretty nervous, worried, terrified, etc. about starting seminary, and especially about going full-time. The admissions director preached on this text during the sermon today. She pointed out that Simon says a lot of really stupid, unplanned things while Jesus is alive. Yet he became one of the leaders of the first Christian church. How is that possible?
Because God uses even the least of us, those of us who have no idea what we're saying, those of us who make promises we can't keep, those of us who have faith for a great minute, only to use it the next. Peter did all these things, yet he also recognized Jesus for who he was and he wasn't afraid to proclaim it.
We can all learn a lot from Peter's example. Like Abraham, David, and Jonah before him, Peter made mistakes. He didn't always trust God when he should have. But God still chose him to be a leader. Like I said in a much earlier post, we are all called to be ministers wherever we are; we don't have to be perfect, though, and that's a relief.
The other "Jesus" thing I took from this passage is that we should encourage one another, even when one of us makes mistakes. I felt that encouragement tonight, and I hope all of you recognize your own value and power in God's great plan.
Matthew 16:15-16
My theme today came from worship at my first day of seminary. I've been feeling pretty nervous, worried, terrified, etc. about starting seminary, and especially about going full-time. The admissions director preached on this text during the sermon today. She pointed out that Simon says a lot of really stupid, unplanned things while Jesus is alive. Yet he became one of the leaders of the first Christian church. How is that possible?
Because God uses even the least of us, those of us who have no idea what we're saying, those of us who make promises we can't keep, those of us who have faith for a great minute, only to use it the next. Peter did all these things, yet he also recognized Jesus for who he was and he wasn't afraid to proclaim it.
We can all learn a lot from Peter's example. Like Abraham, David, and Jonah before him, Peter made mistakes. He didn't always trust God when he should have. But God still chose him to be a leader. Like I said in a much earlier post, we are all called to be ministers wherever we are; we don't have to be perfect, though, and that's a relief.
The other "Jesus" thing I took from this passage is that we should encourage one another, even when one of us makes mistakes. I felt that encouragement tonight, and I hope all of you recognize your own value and power in God's great plan.
17.8.11
Day 37 (Tuesday)
"Once more Jesus said to them, 'I am going away, and you will look for me, and you will die in your sin. Where I go, you cannot come.'"
John 8:21
When Jesus went to die, he had to go alone. No one else could do what he was about to do to save humanity.
Now, I'm not saying that the sacrifice Wes and I have made by moving away from our family and friends is anywhere near that of Jesus. Don't get me wrong. But as we are here in Texas visiting everyone, I've realized that we have gone away to a place where no one can follow. Sure, someone could move for a job in PA or NJ or NY, but the chances are slim, and, even then, most of our friends and family would still be down here in Texas.
It's tough to be that far away, knowing everyone will be down here for the next few years while we're in New Jersey. Occasionally, we'll be able to visit Texas, or someone will come visit us, but things will not be the same until we return. Where we go, not everyone can follow.
John 8:21
When Jesus went to die, he had to go alone. No one else could do what he was about to do to save humanity.
Now, I'm not saying that the sacrifice Wes and I have made by moving away from our family and friends is anywhere near that of Jesus. Don't get me wrong. But as we are here in Texas visiting everyone, I've realized that we have gone away to a place where no one can follow. Sure, someone could move for a job in PA or NJ or NY, but the chances are slim, and, even then, most of our friends and family would still be down here in Texas.
It's tough to be that far away, knowing everyone will be down here for the next few years while we're in New Jersey. Occasionally, we'll be able to visit Texas, or someone will come visit us, but things will not be the same until we return. Where we go, not everyone can follow.
16.8.11
Day 36 (Monday)
"Jesus said to them, 'Come and have breakfast.'"
John 21:12
I realized how important breaking bread with friends truly is as we came to Texas yesterday. Jon Lys picked us up from the airport, drove us to my great aunt's house, and took us to Whataburger on the way. Sure, we talked in the car, but there's just nothing that compares to sharing a (delicious) meal with a friend. One day, I might not remember what we ate together, or even that Jon picked us up from the airport, but I'll definitely remember that he was kind enough to spend time eating with us.
On our way down to the New Braunfels, we stopped to see our good ol' professor, RJ. He took us to a wonderful yogurt place, and we caught up on all the random parts of our lives. Enjoying food was, once again, a great unifying experience, and we had a great time together. I'm not saying that the trip to the bookstore wasn't great, but sharing food in Christian community was important yet again.
Finally, we had dinner with a bunch of our San Antonio area friends. Despite getting together for weddings several times since college graduations, I always enjoy group dinners the most. Sure, we could get together and play a game, watch a movie, or just hang out, but there is nothing like sharing a meal with great friends. Talking, laughing, and eating together is something that I wouldn't miss for the world.
Jesus and his disciples spent a lot of time eating together. The most significant was, of course, the Last Supper, but every meal they share is important. I hope I can remember that as I continue to share meals with great friends.
John 21:12
I realized how important breaking bread with friends truly is as we came to Texas yesterday. Jon Lys picked us up from the airport, drove us to my great aunt's house, and took us to Whataburger on the way. Sure, we talked in the car, but there's just nothing that compares to sharing a (delicious) meal with a friend. One day, I might not remember what we ate together, or even that Jon picked us up from the airport, but I'll definitely remember that he was kind enough to spend time eating with us.
On our way down to the New Braunfels, we stopped to see our good ol' professor, RJ. He took us to a wonderful yogurt place, and we caught up on all the random parts of our lives. Enjoying food was, once again, a great unifying experience, and we had a great time together. I'm not saying that the trip to the bookstore wasn't great, but sharing food in Christian community was important yet again.
Finally, we had dinner with a bunch of our San Antonio area friends. Despite getting together for weddings several times since college graduations, I always enjoy group dinners the most. Sure, we could get together and play a game, watch a movie, or just hang out, but there is nothing like sharing a meal with great friends. Talking, laughing, and eating together is something that I wouldn't miss for the world.
Jesus and his disciples spent a lot of time eating together. The most significant was, of course, the Last Supper, but every meal they share is important. I hope I can remember that as I continue to share meals with great friends.
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